need new activities... or new friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
need new activities... or new friends?
4
Sat, 09-09-2006 - 11:37pm

I am 24 years old and graduated college about 1 1/2 years ago. In the past year I have really transitioned more out of drinking as much. Now a days, I'll just have a few drinks max but try to avoid that regularly ( maybe a glass of wine or a import beer during the week). But several of my friends still revolve many of their social activities around drinking. Many of these activities I partake in without drinking, but when the goal is going to be to "get trashed" I would rather avoid it.

My problem is just that lately Ive been feelin a little too serious. Although Im happy and enjoy the choices I make, I am a high energy person and love to be active in many ways: physically, socially, intelectually... I enjoy my schedule being packed with activities. But lately I feel that I have less options now that many of the things my friends do are not appealing to me. I do things on my own, but sometimes, especially on the weekend its not as fun to be alone. I live in a great city with many interesting things to do, but my friends are not always excited to do them with me. I have some friends that will do select things with me, but often times I pass up opportunities because I dont think I would enjoy an activity alone, especially when others there will most likely not be alone and have a friend to share with.

I just need new fun ideas of things to pack my schedule with. I need some more hobbies. I already have some: reading, all kinds of workouts, live music. I do these regulary but also enjoy art, museums, hiking, poetry readings... but can never find many friends who will make a commitment to come with me. But I need some more... a small part of me feels a bit old. I am happy with choices I make but I need some more healthy excitement, not the excitement of drunken crazy nights that I have been used to in the past, but a higher, more fulfilling excitement.

Any ideas or supportive comments would help :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
Sun, 09-10-2006 - 9:34am

Nikki,

I understand what you're going through. My old friends are now scattered around the country and we don't see eachother much anymore. One of my friends just came home for a visit, he still likes to drink and have a good time, but we are able to still head out together even though I keep my limit to 1-2 drinks.

As for things that keep you busy - do you cook? Personally, I like to cook alot. It keeps me pretty popular at work when I walk in with a peanut butter cheesecake :-) And if you aren't a great cook, just find something easy to make and get yourself started that way.

Are you in a situation where you could fit a pet into your life/schedule? A dog or cat would be great for keeping you company. If you've got a dog - take it for a walk. I've thought about a dog, but sometimes because of my work schedule I just don't think I'd have much time to take care of it (at certain times of the year I might go to work at 8am and come home at 9pm or later). I do try to work out at the gym 3-5 times a week though, that is another good way to keep busy, and healthy.

best of luck :-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 10:37am

Over the past few years, I've had to branch out and make new friends as well - because most of mine are married and working on making babies. :) It doesn't mean I don't still see them, but I needed a new network.

Two things I did:

I found a social group that scheduled activities on weekends so I could meet new folks and not do everything alone. The one I found was meetin.org, and they have many groups in cities across the country - and they're free. You can also check out meetup, friendster, etc.

Second, I love jazz and blues, but none of my friends do. So, I posted an ad on Craig's List to start a group of jazz lovers who want to hit the clubs with me. Post in the 'strictly platonic' section. I've seen others post for hiking buddies, happy hour pals, dog walker friends, whatever. Might be a good way to find people who have interests outside the bar scene.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 8:05am

Hey Nikki,

I know how you feel, and getting older seems to make it more difficult to find new friends! I recently joined the local chapter of the Jaycees, and I love it. It's a young persons organization (ages 21-40) and it helps to build leadership skills through community service and projects. My chapter does a ton of fun stuff, we are planning a night time golf outing next month, we do member info nights about once a month, last time we did mini golf, they also did a "freeze out" where they spent the night outside on the coldest night of the year no less, to raise money for one of the shelters and raise awareness to the homeless situation. All in all, I've met some great people, made some new friends and am getting more involved in my community. Check out their website, www.usjaycees.org to see if there is a local chapter near you.

Hope this helps!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2006
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 11:35am

Hi nikki_ut,

I am in the same boat as you right now, except that my friends are quite the opposite. I like to go party (though I don't get drunk, maybe just tipsy, haha) and do other artsy activities.But my friends just don't like to go do anything I like. I have done many things on my own because my friends don't share the same interests I do. And I've never regretted going to different places alone because there is always someone new to meet.

I've learned that over the years, interests usually change, even if we keep the same friends. But if you feel that they are not allowing you to explore these new activities, it is time to get new friends, because in the end you will never be happy. This does not mean you are selfish, but who else will live your life for you?

Or you can do this: keep that set of friends for partying and get another set of new friends for doing the activities that you enjoy.

Best of luck!

 

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