back to dating at 46
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| Sat, 09-16-2006 - 5:27pm |
I’m going to put this on a few different places since there may be more than one way of looking at it…
I’m 46, been divorced for 4 years & didn’t even think about dating until a few months ago since I just had too many other things going on in my life, kids, job, moving to a new town… But I do enjoy doing things with other people & most of my friends are in relationships or married so can’t just up & do something. So now I’ve started looking around & checked out OLD. It’s been 23 years since I went on a date!!!! I’ve been contacted by a few different guys. I met 2 of them for a cup of coffee, then never again, which was fine with me, but I did enjoy talking to them & hearing about what kinds of things they did etc.. Another I went out with 2 times then he decided he wasn’t over his ex, which was ok by me since I wasn’t too interested either. Now I’ve been in contact with 2 more. I had coffee with one & then dinner, phone calls & I like spending time with him. Haven’t met the other yet but have had great emails & talks on the phone. But here’s my question.
I’ve been on my own now for over 4 years between separation & divorce. I do things my way, when I want, & work around my daughter’s schedule. Yes, it does get lonely & I like spending time with these men, but the idea of picking one or maybe even anyone to settle down with & have to adjust my schedule, house, habits etc. doesn’t sound too wonderful. I really just want to have a few good friends & these guys seem nice, but their goal seems to be finding a wife. So should these 2 know that I’m still looking at other people & not really interested in commitment but more in good friends? I mean maybe I’ll fall madly in love & want to settle down, but I can’t seem to imagine it at this point & none of these guys have sparked my interest that way. Anybody else ever feel this way?

If they have said their goal is a LTR leading to marriage, then yes, of course you should speak up and say that's not your goal. That's why they are telling you that, to see if you're on the same page with what you're looking for. You shouldn't have any problems, really, finding guys who are on the same page with you--I'm 48 and my experience and that of my friends is that most guys in our general age group are just looking for sex and companionship and are NOT looking for marriage or LTRs ;-)!!!
As far as talking about dating other people, personally, I think that's tacky. Of course, if they ask you directly, you should answer truthfully, but IMO it's best to "don't ask, don't tell". The default assumption is that of course you're both meeting and dating others until you've talked about it and specifically agreed to date each other exclusively.
Sheri