friends with an ex?
Find a Conversation
friends with an ex?
| Thu, 09-21-2006 - 11:49pm |
So..how many of you still talk with your ex? We split on good terms, and he already found a new gf. We talk here and there to catch up, but sometimes I just get bummed out after talking to him. I think I am over him.. I think he's very nice and can be a good friend but there are times where I want just to forget that relationship ever existed. I do have a crush on another guy, but now I am playing it safe.. and do nothing.
so.. I guess I just want to vent and needed some hugs..
-Spiff

Friends with an ex is tough, and some are better at it than others! My one ex NEVER talked to any of his ex's, he just cut all ties completely. I thought that was a bit odd, I mean you don't have to be best friends, but I think it's good to be polite and cordial so when you do run into each other in public things aren't too awkward.
I am friends with one ex, but we've been over for like 6 years. But it can get a little weird since he hasn't been with anyone since me and still complains about being single. It's a strained relationship that may have run it's course...I don't think either of us are getting anything positive from it anymore.
Then there's the most recent ex, he bugged me constantly after we broke up...he was friends with ALL his ex's and talked to them reguarly which I also found weird. We email each other about once a month, he initiates, I keep it short and polite, not releasing too much detail about my life. I just find him annoying though now, we are complete opposities and honestly wouldn't even be friends or talk if we hadn't dated....lol not sure how we managed to fall in love?
I picked up that you said 'he already has a gf'. Maybe that bugs you a bit? I know there would be a twinge within me, kinda that feeling that you've already been replaced, even though you knew you would both find other people. How long has it been? I truly think if you want a good friendship it takes some time, first you have to both completely get over each other and come to terms with what happened and why. Then you have to build a new relationship, a friendship from the ground up. It's not something you can rush.
ya know i think it just depends on the relationship you experienced with him and if the tow of you had a true heart and soul connection.
I have plenty of X-beaus whom i do not speak with anymore because of the life choices we chose that led us out of the area and connection with each others "OLD FRIENDS".
I have an X-fiance from my early years. i was 12 when he and i met, 18 when we got engaged and 21 when i broke up with him. he and I even met for coffee when he contacted me one month before i was to marry another dude. We talked about our past issues and problems and pondered what would have happened if we had entered couples counseling and worked to make our relationship stronger instead of ending it for the reasons we did.
I married. NOW,...a few years later he and i saw each other at a festival and we sat n talked for an hour then again parted ways.
I again seemed to be running into him at least once or twice a year since that point.
I even had an good two hour conversation with him at his home which is in the same town i lived in for 25 years. He is happily married, no kids(medically she can't) and she and i have exchanged a couple conversations as well. She knows i was his first gf ever and that we have a soulful bond but we have no romantic love issues with each other.
HOWEVER...on my last convo with him...he floored me with this statement:
IF we all reach our 70/80's and my wife dies before me and you are still around and single you will be hearing from me.
I suppose there is always that one person that affects us all like that and i have to agree...if i am single in my 80's and he is then widowed...i would consider a relationship with him.
Then you have my X hubby. WE have children so I have to talk to him and i hate it. He has been married and divorced twice...pre-engaged a third time(no ring, but talk of plans), but she got wise before she said *I DO*(i wonder why;).) He is a cronic cheater and liar and its catching up to him now. The nut has now gone back to the 20 something girls and is "dating them" because he has discovered us 30-somethings are wiser and strong enough to see his true colors.
Then there is my present X fiance. We had our issues as well, but i loved him so dang much i had to leave him to save my sanity. WHY? I was assaulted by a family member of his and looking at my then fiance was looking at my attacker. Not very physchologically sound. He tried to keep in contact with me and even used hs daughter to his benefit.
I got this phone call one day from her and she blerts to me that she was calling for her dad because he doesnt know how to put up the xmas tree and he wants me to come help HER put it up. MIND YOU....it was the first week of OCTOBER!!!!! So i contacted my local police station and my friend the mayor of the town i lived in then...HE helped me by advizing the police officer to take a statement from me about phone herrassment and give my X-fiance a call and a warning " if he contacted me again, including his dd, that charges of Herrassment by communication will be filed against him and his daughter.
I haven't heard from them since.
My life is going very well and i am happy.
so you have to be the one to decifer all the pro's n con's of keeping an X as a friend.
Good luck.