I'm SOOOOO Stupid!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
I'm SOOOOO Stupid!!!
6
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 10:06am

Hello All,

I feel so stupid. Okay so I really like this guy and he came over Saturday night and though I told myself not to...we had sex. It wasn't the best sex, but it wasn't the worst...he didn't cum and he said it was because I seemed bored. Now I'm really feeling dumb because he has yet to call me. I feel like we're playing a game of who will call who first or maybe he was just interested in the sex??? I don't know where to go from here. Should I be the one calling him? Or should I just wait until he calls me? What if he doesn't call? OH...I just feel soooo used, so stupid, so desperate!!! I need help :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:38am

Khloe,

First of all, we've all done things we regret later. The best thing you can do for yourself is not beat yourself up over this. Next time, you can stick to your guns and make sure you only have sex when you're ready.

As for this guy - it's possible that he won't call. I wouldn't call him, but just see what he does. If he doesn't call, then he wasn't ready or willing to be in a real relationship anyway.

I know it's hard. If you are feeling used and desperate, it is absolutely best to focus on YOU right now and not to focus on the guy and what he might be thinking. Make this an opportunity for growth for you. You don't need his approval to know that you are a lovable and good person.

~TG

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:55am

khloedavis,

There are men (like me) that need to build an emotional bond with a woman before getting physical. As hard as it may be to believe, and contrary to what most women think, not all men want sex on the first date. I seem to suffer from performance anxiety and need to feel very comfortable with a woman before having sex. There is nothing worse than being unable to perform in bed. I have been put in that situation with a woman I dated and it is humiliating. I wasn’t very attracted to her but I dated her just to see if any feelings would eventually develop. Unfortunately she wanted to have sex on the first date and I couldn’t make it happen!

I get the impression from what you have written that this situation is similar to mine. Perhaps he wanted to take it slow but felt pressured into having sex with you. I am only guessing because I don’t really know how you ended up doing what you said you wouldn’t...

I don’t think you should call him. How did you meet him and how likely are you to see him again? (Assuming neither of you call.)

P.S: Don’t feel stupid.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 12:30pm

I think we all have experienced feeling "used" .. whether it is in sex or emotionally or whatever... it is a mismatch in expectations and assumptions.

I wonder if that feeling of being used (with sex involved) is more of a woman thing? I imagine so since sex is more "personal" for a woman than for a man. There is that emotional tie to the sex act.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:40am

Tallgirlcolo,

Thanks so much! I still feel horrible! I called him yesterday because he had a visitors pass that belonged to me, he didn't even want to hold a conversation. Ugh! I'm never calling him again, I just wish I never gave in so easily and had sex with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 11:52am

Hal 9000,

I was telling myself not to...trying to play hard to get. I told myself even if we ended up in the bed, just to tell him I wasn't ready but like a fool I gave in...did I mention I haven't had sex in close to a year. Only after we had sex it hit me that we didn't share one kiss. I should've known I was being used for sex, but I didn't want to believe it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 12:41pm

I went through something similar back in May, and I did beat myself up over it for awhile. Now, I'm just glad the guy didn't stick around long enough to really mess with my mind.

Moving forward (the only direction we can go, right?), I know my boundaries. The right man will be willing to wait until I am ready. For me, being ready means: I've known him long enough to trust him, we're in an exclusive relationship, I feel safe and comfortable with him. If those three criteria aren't met, then it's a no go.

Just make sure you define your boundaries for yourself now. It's so much easier to stick with them when you think about it before you're hot and heavy with someone.

Right now, try to forgive yourself and move on. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.