What are is intentions

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
What are is intentions
6
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 1:49pm

Let me start by giving you some history...

This guy has been in a relationship for 3 years, live in for one, and the just broke up 3 weeks ago. She moved out because he slept at my house... (nothing happened, I live down the street from a bar and he was too drunk to drive so he slept on my couch.)I also recently stopped seeing someone.

About 6 months ago when I met him there was clearly a mutual intrest. They had broken up a few days before that so we didnt act on it becuase I was sure they were getting back together. He agrued that they wouldnt and that he wanted to be with me...i told him to wait, they got back together.

This time seems different. He stops by to say hello on his way home from work, sends me messages to say good morning and good night. And we have had pleanty of cuddley nights on the couch. We havn't slept together because I told him I wanted more than just a bootycall. When I ask him about her he says he can't promise that they won't get back together but he doesn't think so. I think thats why he doesnt mind waiting for sex. He's also very sweet...tells me Im beautiful and how he can't get enough of me and misses me when Im not around. At first I thought it was just sweettalking to get laid but if he doesnt mind not having sex what is he after? Is he actually that into me and just taking time to move on from her...or I am just a fill in for affection untill they get back together?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 10:49pm

I would say that there is a very high likelihood of you getting hurt in this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 12:25am
after a 3 year relationship there has to be some down time, a buffer zone before a person gets genuinely involved with someone else. it seems to me that he can't go 'cold turkey' without some form of affection. please don't waste your time and be the rebound person. it will hurt you in the long run, IMHO. seems like he has too much power in the situation between you two as if you have no other options or something. if i were you i would tell him that if things are meant to be then maybe down the road you guys will bump back into each other, but now you can't get involved with him. you're better than this! you can find someone else who is ready for something real.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 4:40am

This man is keeping ALL of his options open. Why would you waste time on him when he can't even assure you that his last relationship is completely over? Trust me, you ARE wasting your time with him. There is nothing in his actions that make me think he is into you. He is just using you. Don't make the mistake of thinking that sex will consummate your relationship.

Edited to Add: There is one thing I am certain about; If he meets his Ex again he will say that you mean/meant absolutely nothing to him if he thinks there is a chance she will take him back.




Edited 10/9/2006 10:13 am ET by hal_9000
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:22pm

She showed up and said she wanted to work things out. All i got was a text message saying that he didnt know what to do. I ran into him later that night at a bar and he said he was sorry he hadnt called and that he just didnt know what to say but that he didnt want to do anything to upset me. I told him it was too late and that i was angry. he came back with the i love you baby and you're so beautiful comments. Like an idiot i fell for it, again, only to find out the next day....after not getting a phone call...that she had moved back in.

Yesterday morning he called but when i answered he hung up. He called back later that evening and said that he cares about me more than anyting in the world and that he just can't be with me "right now" but that he wants to be "friends." I told him that there are too many feelings involved and that I can't see how that would work when I know damn well that i want more. I havnt heard from him since.

Was I wrong to say that? It's killing me not having him around even as a friend but i give in to him far to easily and i know somehow i will end up the girl on the side and i cant handle that. This whole thing is making me an all around miserable person...i want to call him so bad but i need more than half of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:08pm

"Was I wrong to say that? "


Quite the contrary, I think you were very right to say that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 2:19pm
This is definatly the hard part. I think I've picked up my phone 50 times recently but havnt called. What makes it harder is the entire situation is pretty much unavoidable. I live in a very small town. If i decide to go out there is only one bar in the area to go to and 9 times out of ten he's the first person I run into. I could just stay in for awhile but Im a single mother and my one night out is really the only time i leave the house other than to go grocery shopping, I think i'd go a bit crazy if i skipped it. If he's not there its just as bad, again because this is such a small town and everyone knows everything about everybody, people sit and ask where he is, whats going on with us, why we havnt been together lately, etc. Its driving me insane i swear.