Age difference is it ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Age difference is it ok?
10
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:36am
I have been sepparated from my husband for 6 months and I plan on getting a divorce. We dated for 6 years and then were married for 8. So dating is really strange for me. I have just gone on my first date in 6 months, but the guy is a lot younger than me. I'm 37 and the guy is only 22. Is this ok? I am not planning on getting really seriously involved with him, but I also have a problem with being codependant, but I know that I don't want to enter a serious relationship for a while. I have always beleived that you are only as old as you feel, and I do like acting younger and doing things that my teenage daughter likes with her. Examples: riding rollercoasters, going to concerts, etc. My daughter is 15 and only 7 years younger that this guy. Do you think it's ok to date him for a while and just have some fun?? Thanks for the advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:15am
Hmm. I have been in this situation, except I'm 18 and the guy was 32. We met at work, and hit it off. Does he have a problem with the age difference? Does your daughter have a problem? Or maybe you deserve some fun time. If you like this guy, and he likes you, nothing should stand in your way.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 7:50am

I think not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 10:08am

If you are both attracted to eachother, there's nothing wrong with exploring that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 10:23am

Guys date women who are a whole lot younger than they are all the time and THEY don't feel bad about it. One of my co-workers is dating a guy 15 years younger than she is. She is pretty sure it won't go anywhere, but she's having a WHOLE lot of fun.

So go ahead! It's about time we started doing the same thing as the guys and playing their game.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 5:20pm

I agree with all the other posters basically. Of course you'll put your daughter first as I'm sure the divorce is very tough on her. Being a teenager is hard enough! I would just caution you on letting the daughter and 'fun' guy meet. First off the divorce isn't finalized so 'prancing' around with this guy isn't the best set of ideals to be exposing her to in my mind. Plus your introducing her to a guy that she could be potentially be attracted to, and she'll notice the age difference in a heartbeat! I'm not saying she'll be attracted to him or anything, but it could be very weird and confusing for her.

I've always been an advocate though of not introducing your children to a guy you're dating until you are pretty serious. I see people that parade dates around their children and it's just not healthy or stable for a child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 11:52am
I can't give a lot of reasoning, but it just kind of sounds like a bad idea to me, and I feel like maybe it's something you would end up regretting. Just thought I'd put that out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 2:54pm

I don't think theres anything wrong with casually dating this guy but I would be careful for you daughters sake. When I was 15 I had 22 yr old friends and I think I may have felt a little strange if my mother was serious with someone of that age. Again though, if this is just a casual thing and you're not bringing him home I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Antoher reason I would avoid letting it get too serious is the fact that I have found that in relationships no matter how much you belive age is just a number it comes up. When I was 19 i was practically living with a man that was 33. In the begining we didnt care about the age difference but when things got more serious he would bring it up all the time. I don't blame him, he is older than i am, but he started using it as a way to make me feel inferier to him and eventually used it as a reason to break it off saying that i would eventually want a family and he had already done all of that. If things start to get serious I would keep in mind what he may want in the future. Will he want children? Will you be willing to give him that? I know it is very soon to be thinking of things like that but i would keep it in mind as a deterant from getting too involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 3:46pm
No, it is not ok. I am 50 and just been cruelly dumped by my boyfriend who was 35. In the beginning he said it didn't matter but then made snidey remarks about my age all the time. He then stopped the sex and intimacy and yesterday I found out he's been bedding a 21 year old for the last 3 weeks. When I challenged him he admitted it and said that a woman of that age drives a man mad with desire whereas with someone of my age he could hardly get an erection. Bear in mind also I'm a sportswoman and do competitions and look nothing like a typical 50 year old. But all the man thinks of is the age difference. Note that he is sleeping with a woman 15 years his junior and thinks that is fine. It is always if the older partner that is the woman it's a problem. I got hurt 5 years ago in a similar way and now warn any others in my situation not to get involved in this way. If we had just had a one-nighter it would have been ok but he didn't want an involvement with an older woman and so became grumpy and also not very enthusiastic sexually. Then he told me that I am unattractive to him and don't turn him on like a young girl. It will take me a while to deal with this so I urge you not to fall!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 10:56pm

That guy sounds like a social idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 1:12pm
Yes, he is an especially bad example of what a man can say to an older woman once he is sick of her. But I was dumped before nastily and told (after he had used me for sex of course...always after the sex...never before) 'find someone your own age.' Incidentally, this jerk came into my gym today and had the cheek to ask me how I was. Needless to say, I just cut him dead.