holiday lonliness
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 12-22-2006 - 11:05am |
ok, its the holidays, and i need to just vent a bit...
last year, i dated a guy for what turned out to be the wrong reasons (i was lonely, he was there, blah blah blah). i ended up really having feelings for him, but the 'spark' just wasn't there. i didn't want to admit it to myself because everything else was great...
i lived in a different city this summer (while dating guy #1) and surprisingly, met another man who i completely fell head over heels for. when i moved home to guy #1, i decided i couldn't be in the relationship anymore because all i could think about was guy #2. i broke my boyfriends heart-which is such a crappy feeling. this second guy and i dated (long distance) for 3 months. i was in LOVE! i hadn't felt that kind of spark, connection, just that FEELING in forever (and not really ever with guy #1). i was done looking. i was in love. it was fabulous!!! then he broke up with me. said he couldn't deal with the distance. i was absolutely crushed...i put myself out there emotionally for the first time in forever, and i got my heart stomped on.
it's been 2 months since the big break up. i have dated around quite a bit (lots of first dates), but haven't found anything for real. now i find myself days away from christmas and really lonely. i was christmas shopping for my dad and brother yesterday, and just looking at the mens clothes made me so sad. i remember last year when it made me so happy to find something my boyfriend would like, and how it felt to make him smile. i remember how secure i felt (even though this was the relationship without the insane 'spark'). now, i just feel kind of lost.
i can't be with someone i don't feel a spark with, and i WON'T be with a person who doesn't feel that way about me. i feel like i've done the happily single thing, and i'm ready for something again. lonliness SUCKS!!!
i was vaguely encouraged by a sex and the city dvd last night: "maybe we can be eachother's soul mates. then men can just be these great guys to have fun with"

Your break-up is still very recent so you may want somebody to help you forget and move on but you may not really be ready at this point. It's a horrible feeling when we love someone and they don't feel the same way, or can't deal with the circumstances.
You deserve to feel that spark again and you shouldn't think that your 'happy single days' have passed you by. The break-up is still fresh so you're obviously still dealing with a lot of emotions. The holidays always seem to make things worse because we're inundated with pictures of happy couples, we're walking behind them at the mall and our family is questioning our current status. Give yourself the permission to feel sad and crappy around this time. But don't forget to do something for yourself. How much would you spend on a boyfriend for Christmas if you had one? Now take that money and do something for yourself, a massage, a new pair of boots, a peice of jewelery, etc etc. Then vow to give yourself some time to 'recover' from this break-up and don't force yourself to date and try to find that perfect person just yet. When you're heart is ready to truly accept someone again you'll know. :)
Happy Holidays!
Girlfriends are great to have around, that's for sure. I think that they can fulfill some needs that men cannot. I'm not bashing men, I just think women are more intuitive, caring, thoughtful, etc.
Hey, at least you can still remember what it is like to have a significant other, LOL. I think my heart has almost turned to stone :)
Sorry you're missing *that*.