Ran into my ex BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Ran into my ex BF
11
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 8:59pm

Who would have thought I would run into him at card store.....Probably should have left the store or hid in another aisle until he left..But, thought I was strong so I walked up behind him and said "hello" we exchanged hugs and how are you's then we said good bye I went to get what I came into the store for and then went to pay and there was a line and there he was right in front of me...He apparently appeared nervous and I when nervous talk to I made idle chit chat. then he was leaving and I said where did you park he responded and I said I will walk with you. He needed to go to a store next door and so did I (last minute shopping during lunch break), so as we were in the store, I had to ask "so were the feelings you expressed to me real?" As he just said one day I am not good company today and started to tell me about a relationship he had with someone that broke up his family and everytime he starts to feel for someone he runs. Well he ran and I never had an opportunity to ask any questions. Not that it would have mattered.

His response was yes they were, I think they were, I dont want to talk about the past and I said do you know how hard it is for me to be standing here talking to you. He said I have too many issues. I never thought it was me, but was very confused when it happened as he wanted to spend every blesses moment with me, traveled for business over seas and called me 24/7 saying I miss you. The two days later it was done...

So here I am with a heavy heart again....Will the sadness go away, I wasnt completly over him and now I feel the pain as if it just happened again. With the holidays right here, it makes it worse.

I want to feel good again....will I?

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 11:37pm

You will start feeling better at some point. I think the time varies for everyone. You were so bold!? I would have been the one hiding behind a huge upside down coffee table book or something. I don't know how long it's been thus far, but holidays can be tricky. Like the other poster indicated, there seem to be a lot of triggers around this time of year.

Just think, next year, you can start all over. You'll have a gift in the form of a fresh, clean slate. Isn't it exciting? Ahhhhh. I feel rejuventated just thinking about it.

Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 12:33am

Thank you. I got so nervous, I wanted to run out of the store, but I felt it was my chance for him to face me after how he handled himself and disappeared. It has only been almost 3 mths, I was only with him for 2 mths, but he "rocked" my world by pursuing me to a level I never had been pursued. Flew me to a city First Class for a weekend so we could be together. We had a lot in common, both traveled for our jobs which kept us apart, but when we were together it was all of the time. He called me 24/7 when he was out of the country then he came home and two days later basically said I cant do this! THat is the piece that puzzled me and still does, he was married before and had an affair, his wife found out and she took their children to another state he was devastated he has rebuilt his relationships with his children and sees them quite often being 1000 miles away. He told ne everytime he starts to feel fro someome he runs.....I can only say the times spent were great now the pain is back, its the holidays and I have a heavy heart.... I now someday I will feel better.....someday....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 12:58am
jazzy, i completely understand how you feel. Men seem to be very fickle. I too ran into a guy i once dated last night...... he was with someone. I thought I was doing well and was almost over him. Not so. He's all i've thought about all day. Sometimes there is that one person you never completely get over. You just learn to deal with the pain and it becomes an everyday part of your life, slowly fading. You move on, not because you want to, but because you have to. And the holidays seem to make it worse. Absolutely one of the worst feelings in the world is loving someone and losing them. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 1:14am


You are so right.....I will one day be myself again without the pain....It is his loss, he will always be running...I did feel sorry for me at one time, because we all deserve to be happy,but now...He will always be a player and never able to committ..

LOL and Happy Holidays May we both be full of life in the new year!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 6:12am
I've often found the men that rush really headlong into relationships rush right back out just as fast. The like the high of the relationship but with none of that committment so that first few months is about all the can handle.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 10:39am
Yes, I was very cautious when I first met him (didnt want to get hurt as in previous relationships). But, then I opened my heart, and gone......When I ran into him I asked him if the feelings he expressed were real He said "I thought they were, I dont know, I have too many issues". But, as I write this and the time is passing, I now look at him as being a coward, couldnt deal so he just ran away...I am sure thre is probably some other
victim now and he will do the same as he is "supposed" to be relocating out of state. He even told me when this all came to an end, "this why I been in and out of dating" because the pain I felt when my wife took my family away, I always feel when I think I am thinking of myself too much and lose sight of my daughters....not true as they are older now and not pulling at his arm saying come back home. Its the guilt he lioves with and therefore he will always be skittish and run....sad, sad...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 1:49pm
"the pain I felt when my wife took my family away"??? Wasn't it because he had an affair?? He deserves to have a big pain, what a loser. I know you still have a feeling for him and anything I say may just makes you upset, but what do you expect getting from this loser? Real Man is always there for you, real man never runs away from you for any reason. Look around your married friends and see how some of those husbands stay and take care of their families. If you don't find anyone whom you call a role model, it's unfortunate you don't know what a real loving person can be to his loved one.
I dated with a commitment phobia for over 7 years. I did the same mistake over and over going back to this guy who freaked out and ran away at the very moment. (He didn't cheat, though.) In the final 2 years it was pathetic he didn't want to sleep with me but I still couldn't break up with him. I don't think this is a person I want to be with, so here I am, this year's Christmas is all alone by myself, far away from my siblings and parents (they're in another country), no other close friends, it sucks to a great deal but feel better than being with this loser.
Spend your energy finding a right guy instead, don't waste your time thinking about this loser or what you said what he said stuff. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 12:10am

Well, I got through the holidays..after I ran into him I sent him an e-mail that eveing, to sum it up- Wished he would have explained instead of disappearing and he told me he was going to move to another state for work, So I said I would like to take you out for lunch or dinner to wish you well....Well, he responded just yesterday and he is now not moving ( dont think he ever was) and he met someone about a month ago and is going out for now this is good enough and may not go anywhere until I get past a few issues.

He told me he didnt want to see me anymore because of the girlfriend that he cheated on his wife called and was dying then her son called him. He said it stirred up the pain he felt inthe past and he needs to be there for his daughters amd maybe cannot be in a relationship until they are in college???? and now he tells me he is seeign someone, such a LIAR. He said in his response "he didnt want to say anything when we ran into each other, that he met someone" WHY ? Because he knows he lied....He will continue to run from one to another after the thrill of the chase is gone.....Well, I responded back and told him he was a coward and a liar and that I was just one of many that have been and will continue be in his life for the short term.....

I was so hurt, now I angry...What goes around comes around, I hope one day whomever it is lies to him and leaves without telling him the truth...

The process of breaking up is very painful at least it has been for me.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 9:20pm
Let him go, when they leave they leave because they want to. Doesn't matter what the reason. I ran into my X a few years ago. he was on the make for me again while he had a new girl friend. What did that tell me. he also was on the big rush with me when he met me. Neediness?????? It did last 2 years, we lived together for 1 year. i was very happy. Out of the blue, he said he was leaving the week-end. For 2 years I heard how much he loved me every day. Go figure. I say, let the non-commital, lying guys just go!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When we do have them in our lives, maybe we should look at our needs. I did learn 1 major thing. I need a warm man, no more settling for a guy who is not warm and generous. I will know them fairly well before I get too close. Maybe my guy did some pretending but I loved the warmth. I may not meet another guy at my age but I know what I want. Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 10:01pm
Leila-thank you! I am much better today and will get better every day....I hate Liars and he was also a coward because he couldnt tell me why he left the relationship....

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