why don't girls like me?
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| Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:28am |
I'm sick of not having and never having had a girlfriend. I'm sick of never having had sex before. I'm sick with the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl in 2 years. I'm 20 years old and in college, and I'm sick of seeing young attractive girls all over the place and not being able to have them. I'm sick of them never even looking my way. I'm sick that every girl I liked told me we should just be friends. I'm sick that there's never been a girl to hold me or touch me, and I'm starting to worry there will never be one.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Sure, I'm not the most smooth or popular or best looking or "dangerous" guy, but I have so much to offer. I'm kind, honest, I'll be loyal, devoted, considerate, I'll take her out, compliment her, I dress well, I'm reasonably good looking, I have a stable job.
And I'm not asking for a lot in return. I just want a girl who's physically attractive (not a supermodel, just nice to look at) and who has a tolerable personality (if she's not a gold digger or psychopath, I'd be happy). Why do girls constantly either ignore me or turn me down? Why can't they see what I can offer them?

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If it makes you feel any better, I haven't kissed a guy in almost three years : )
I can't speak for all girls your age but I know that when I was twenty, I wanted my freedom. I was young, relatively attractive and at that age, got enough attention that I was fortunate to meet a lot of guys ie date quite a bit. I didn't want to limit myself to one person. Most girls have serious beaus throughout high school so when they reach college, they don't want to be stifled.
Basically, what I am trying to get across is, I think it's your age more than anything else. I think that you'll find as you get a little older, you will run into more women who can appreciate all that you have to offer. By then, they will have dated enough bad boys that someone like yourself will be a welcomed change.
Good luck. Don't be too hard on yourself!
“If it makes you feel any better, I haven't kissed a guy in almost three years : )”
That does not make me feel better. Like you said right after, you got a lot of attention and dated a lot when you were younger, so atleast you have memories of that to hold you out. But the only time I’ve ever been with a girl was when I was 18 and drunk at a party and kissed another drunk girl, but the memory of 1 kiss doesn’t satisfy me today.
Besides, you’re a woman. If you haven’t dated or kissed anyone in a long time, it’s your choice. You could easily get most men interested you if you want. But men don��t have that power over women.
“Basically, what I am trying to get across is, I think it's your age more than anything else. I think that you'll find as you get a little older, you will run into more women who can appreciate all that you have to offer. By then, they will have dated enough bad boys that someone like yourself will be a welcomed change.”
So what are you saying, that I can never have a young attractive girl my age? That I have to be lonely and miserable for 5, 10, 15 or however many years it takes for girls my age to mature?
Just as guys your age want a pretty face to look at, girls your age want a bad boy to have fun with. That's not the rule for EVERYONE, but it is quite common. You said yourself in your original post that you want a physically attractive girl who isn't a gold digger. If those are your most important qualities, you should prepare yourself for women who want a guy to have fun with and nothing more. You attract what you put out. Like attracts like. Shallow attracts shallow. Crazy attracts crazy. Self-confident attracts self-confident.
I think you may seriously lack self-confidence and that's what turns girls off. No woman want to listen to a guy whine about how he can't get a date. No woman wants that prototype "nice guy," and by "nice guy" I mean that guy who shows up on the first date with roses and says "yes dear, no dear" to everything she says. Basically, a guy with no backbone. We don't want that. That's why we make bad choices when we're young and go out with the bad boy. It's not because he's bad; it's because he's got loads of confidence. If you could somehow have the confidence along with the kindness qualities you'd be a hit. Believe me.
My husband was 25 before he lost his virginity, and 54 before we got married this year.
"One of the things I see wrong is that you're looking for someone who is physically attractive."
Why is that wrong? How can you expect me to be happy in a relationship with someone I have no physical attraction for?
"That notion varies from person to person, and you're not looking deep enough to the person inside of someone who may not be totally cute to appreciate what she may have to offer."
I think that's a good thing. If I strip my requirements down to the bare minimum, aren't I leaving my options to the most women possible?
If I want a girl who's JUST physically attractive, that means I'm open to maybe 30%-40% of women.
If I want a girl who's physically attractive AND not a gold-digger, that means I'm open to maybe 20%-25% of women.
However if I want a girl who's physically attractive AND not a gold-digger AND kind AND sweet AND intelligent AND has good manners, I'm left with maybe only 3%-5% of women, who most likely are already taken.
Do you understand what I'm getting at here?
Initially, I think what you have to do in this situation is to take that image of the "perfect" woman that exists in your head and get her out of there. As long as you walk around looking for someone who is "perfect" you'll always, and I do mean ALWAYS, be miserable. Perfect does not exist. Even seemingly perfect relationships have their ups and downs where you often look at the person sleeping next to you and you wonder why on earth you're with this person (as I do quite often with the man I've been with for three years). That always happens. There is no such thing anywhere as perfect.
So how do you develop self-confidence when no girls will look at you? Why does the approval of a woman matter? I mean really? If you can't be happy on your own you'll never be happy with someone else. And we as women see that. We don't want to have to be with a guy we're going to have to constantly reassure. So that cycle - how to be happy with yourself? That's only something YOU can answer unfortunately. But I'll share three things I just recently learned:
1. Life sucks
2. Life sucks because we desire and crave things we can't always have.
3. Once you drop those desires and stop craving, and are happy with yourself and what you've got, life doesn't suck as much anymore.
And when you're happy, people want to be around you. Girls included.
Hi,
First off I think you need to stop thinking negatively, ex; by saying I am sick of being single and never getting the chance to kiss a girl. I think that you are dwelling to much on the fact that you have never had a g/f that you are unconciously sending a vibe to those around you that you are not confident with yourself. Because like it or not 95 % of communication about yourself comes from you body language.
Secondly, I think that once you start focusing on other areas of your life and what a wonderful person you are that you will end up meeting someone. Because you are more likely to meet someone when you are not looking or when you atleast expect it. You also need to realize that people find others more appealing when they have self-confidence. You said in one of your posts how are you suppose to have confidence when no girl likes you. You need to gain your confidence from other areas of your life, as you should never let someone else be the sole reason you feel the way you do about yourself. Self-esteem and confidence should come from within not from what another person thinks of you. Thus, I think once you start thinking about all your good points and start realizing that just because you do not have a g/f does not make you lesser of a person you will begin to radiate to others your confidence and girls will come to you.
Also, you do not need to feel badly about being 20 and never having a had the chance to have a g/f. My ex b/f was 21 before him and I went out the first time. I was his first girl friend and have been his only g/f and he is now 25. One of my best girl friends got her first b/f when she was 23 and that was just a year ago. So you see it does not really matter when you get your first g/f or b/f. Some people focus so much on their education or other areas of their life that they do not have time for a relationship. To be honest with you I am 24 years old and just about to finish my degree at university and the more I think about it the more I wish that I would have just focused on my schooling and did not bother with relationships. Because it is hard to balance university, a relationship, work and other areas of your life when you are so busy.
Just think of it this way, when you finally get a g/f it will feel more special to you as you have been waiting for that day for so long. Also you will be more mature than some guys are when they get their first g/f that maybe you will be able to deal with things more maturely. Secondly, whenever you start feeling down remember that your relationship status does not determine yourself worth and that when you least expect you will find someone who will love you for who you are.
I hope I was of some help. Good Luck
Being single just plain sucks sometimes.
"However if I want a girl who's physically attractive AND not a gold-digger AND kind AND sweet AND intelligent AND has good manners, I'm left with maybe only 3%-5% of women, who most likely are already taken."
I'm physically attractive, I'm not a gold-digger (at ALL), I'm very kind, very sweet, intelligent, and, for the most part, have good manners.
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