to go or not to go on New Year's Eve

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2005
to go or not to go on New Year's Eve
5
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 6:35pm

I am really unsure what to do NYE this year. The plans that were made by my best friend (who I was in love with for 2 years, and just found out a few weeks ago is gay) were to hang out with him and his friends, at a gay bar. He's really excited to introduce me to his other group of friends, many of whom I am dying to meet myself.

My issue this not that I'm homophobic, but the fact that I am still coming to terms with the fact that he's gay and trying to get over him. I would love to meet his friends, but I worry if I see him being affectionate with other men (there will obviously be alcohol at the bar, and I am still unsure if his boyfriend will be there or not) is going to be too hard for me at this point. The last thing I want to do is go, and getting upset when I see him act affectionate to someone else, come off as if I'm unsupportive. At the same time, this IS my best friend, and I really have no other plans. So it's either the gay bar with him and his friends, or staying home alone in my apartment. I guess the other part of this is, because it's a gay bar, I won't be kissing anyone at midnight. I know that sounds petty- but I think it's unfair that he made plans for us to spend NYE at a gay bar when there's not possibility of me meeting anyone when he, himself, is now attached.

If anyone can offer any insight, that would be great!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 6:48pm

Ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 7:46pm

Glacier-girl,

I agree with Cl-Shwon in that I think he's being a little selfish in wanting to spend the night at a gay bar given that you've haven't had time to adjust to the news and it's probably a sign of things to come. I've never really known why some women frequent gay bars. I personally wouldn't find it very interesting and slightly uncomfortable. If I was you, I'd stay at home instead of going out and having to plaster a smile on your face all night. It's your NYE as well as your best friend's.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:23am
I have a lot of gay friends and have hung out with them a lot. Gay men are very affectionate. One year I was at a christmas party with a bunch of them and I got caught under the mistletoe with nearly all of them! Gay men tend to be very affectionate. They werent anything more than simple kisses but it was funny and I had a great time. I think you should go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2005
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 1:59am

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

He and I ended up getting together for a quick visit afternoon, and I ended up going to a pre-bar party with him to his friend's condo where his group were all hanging out- this was great because the boyfriend wasn't there (we was going to meet the rest at the bar) so I didn't have to deal with trying not to cry.

However, tickets for the bar sold out (my friend had an extra, but his boyfriend only decided to go last night, so there went my ticket) so I wasn't able to go the bar whether I wanted to or not. Which was fine. But New Year's itself, from about 11:30pm and onwards, was AWEFUL- I knew I wasn't over him, but something about being alone at Midnight on New Years when I spent most of 2006 thinking my friend (we dated a lot, and he did a fair amount of leading on, since he was still in the closet) and I would be getting engaged... well, I spent most of the night bawling...

I hope you all had a better NYE than me!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 11:20am

I'm sorry that you had a less than stellar NYE. If it makes you feel better, I stayed in. I may have even hit the sack before midnight, I don't remember.

In the future, I am with alondra, gay bars can be fun! While some heterosexual males can be found there from time to time, you obviously are not going to "meet" anyone at such establishments. However, one doesn't always meet a guy everytime they go to a straight bar either. One can have fun w/o flirting with some guy. Besides, gay men are fun to flirt with . . . they are very openly affectionate. They don't think twice about coming up to a stranger and whisking them off to the dance floor or showering them with compliments, drinks, kisses on the cheek. I have had more fun at some gay clubs than nights I've spent with girlfriends who were trolling for guys at straight bars.

Good luck with getting over this guy. Hugs.