I really don't want to be bitter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
I really don't want to be bitter.
1
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 7:01pm

Now that 2006 is drawing to a close, I can't help but reflect on my love life this year. It's been quite the downward spiral rollercoaster ride. I don't want to lose hope, nor do I want to become bitter, but given my dating/ relationship patterns, I can't help but become this cynical woman who scowls at every man that passes me by.

After every bad dating experience, my girlfriend keeps telling me, "Don't ever think it's you." But how can I not? What do all those men have in common? Me! So at what point do I stop blaming the men I date and start blaming myself?

Recently a guy that I had been seeing contacted me again after I had broken things off with him (mainly because things weren't progressing). Being the hopeful romantic I am (and considering the fact that it is very much out of his character to contact an "ex"), I decided to reopen the flood gates. Things were good while they lasted (for the mere 5 minutes). But I can just see myself spiraling down the exact same path I finally got myself out of about a month ago. Just when I've finally gotten over him, he steps right back into my life, pisses all over it and then walks out of it again. Why? Is it some sort of twisted ego boost? Did he change his mind YET again? Or was it a moment of weakness? I'm not a welcome mat - you can't walk all over me. You can't take me for granted YET AGAIN.

My girlfriend and I joke that every man is f*&ked up in his own unique way. I equate them to a virus. However, I can only become immune to one virus via the flu shot, and there are still so many variations and permutations of viruses that you can't possibly be immune to each and every one of them.

I do hope I overcome my bitterness towards men someday (I can't even watch a romantic comedy without making sarcastic comments). It's quite sad considering I used to restore my hope through those movies.

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. I don't think I'm a bad catch at all. I just think I keep meeting the wrong men at the right time.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 12:23am

I try to look at situations such as yours like this: men aren't really that much different from us. They run into emotional issues just like everyone else. On top of not being super-human, they are generally seen as the head of the household, the bread winners and don't forget that they are traditionally the agressors in a relationship. Women are expected to sit around and wait for them to make all of the moves, wait for them to make plans, make the first phone call. I can't imagine having to pursue a man. The pressure!?! It must bite at times.

Yes, SOME of them ARE a-holes but a percentage of them may be going through something else, such as depression, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, etc.

I try to keep this in mind when a guy falls off the face of the earth. I suspect that some of them are going through some inner turmoil, not all of them, but some. Now, that isn't to say that they couldn't simply be honest about what they are going through rather than putting us through the ringer, but I guess it's easier for some of them to vanish, be it right or wrong.

Maybe I'm a Pollyanna, but it does help to see them as human beings and not just some testosterone driven android, if you will.




Edited 1/1/2007 10:59 am ET by cfk_3