Confused and a bit lonely this weekend..
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| Sat, 12-30-2006 - 7:38pm |
I have a crush......and it's with my client. Before I started to work with him, I found him a tad creepy. I am not even sure why either. I guess I had judged him too soon.... Then I was moved to a new account and he and I work together now. Little ways, he would hint that he was interested in me. I ignored them, thinking to myself, "oh please".... Then I found myself initiating some serious flirting with him little by little. I would not even realize it until afterwards. Then his assistant started to push the whole "me and him" issue here and there. So now, we email back and forth everyday with very flirty banter. It's really fun and exciting. Then his assistant told me that he wanted to ask me out for NYE and I found myself excited. But he never did ask me out. Now, I know that things should go slow, because we work together and he is my client. I get that and if anything were to happen, I would want it to be VERY quiet. Plus what if it did not work out? Would it become too strange??
Now is he trying to initiate conversations with my friends about me, telling them how much he cares about my opinion of him. He even tells me that he does not want to push me too far. That I scare him and he would never want to upset me. That I keep him in check and he is not even sure how I do it... It goes on and on. But he never did ask me out. And really, I cannot even believe that I am thinking this way about him now...
I guess I am just plain amazed and confused at the same time about what is going on. And I am lonely tonight, and I think it is partially because I know he wanted to ask me out, yet didn't. Now I have to wait until mid next week to talk to him when I return to work.
I hate the beginning of things when everything is uncertain.... Because now he has my attention, yet he isn't moving as fast as I want him to...

Kcole68,
First of all, if you wanted to keep things quiet, I don't think it's a good idea to use his assistant as a go between. Most likely by now, you're the talk of the office. It just sounds like your client enjoys the banter but he's not likely to let it develop into anything more serious. I think he would have asked you out by now. He sounds like a time waster and mind f*cker to me. I would keep it purely professional from here on end and if he wants to make a move, he should be more direct and upfront about it. I'm sure how he knows from your email conversations and more likely his assistant whispering in his ear that you're interested in him. Don't set yourself up for a fall.
Feisty
"I don't think it's a good idea to use his assistant as a go between. "
I actually don't talk to her about what is going on. She just tells me these things out of the blue and I don't respond to her... I just let her comments go.
But thanks for response. I never thought about it in this manner. I never even thought about him using me for pure entertainment. I hope it is not true, but you never know...
Kcole,
I don't want to upset you. I'm just playing devil's advocate. I was involved with a man at my last job. Incidentally, I found him creepy and he was very rude to me on our first introduction and I'm not sure why I overlooked that. We did end up going on two dates but it ended very badly. I was very cautious about going out with him because I don't think it's a good idea to date men at work but he convinced me to go out on a date. In truth, however I didn't take much convincing and when you're bored at work, it's exciting to see that email turn up in your inbox. He turned out to be quite a horrible person and he spread rumours about me at work. Even two years after we dated, I heard from a new male employee that he was saying things about me. Seriously, get a life or what? It was just a little bit of fun for him in the day to ease the boredom of work.
I have the maturity and I'm sure you do as well, to be able to put things aside and act professional if the relationship doesn't work out but not all men have the maturity to do so and this is something that you should be wary of. It's not nice to be the subject of workplace gossip and the women comes off looking worse in these situations. It's unfair but true. Of course all men aren't treated equally but I would not take the risk again. I think there is a certain way to conduct yourself in a workplace relationship. I think this gentleman needs to be upfront and ask you out. It's nice to exchange flirty emails but I think someone concrete needs to happen quite quickly or else it's just confusion for all parties. I would keep the emails strictly professional from now on. For all you know, he could be forwarding these emails to your colleagues at work. You just never know and it's better to be safe than sorry.
Feisty
I agree with Feisty. I don't think you should assume that he's toying with you for his own amusement. He's probably attracted to you and enjoys the flirtation, but may have reservations about dating someone he works with. If I were you, I would be flattered, but try to keep the flirting light until/if he takes it to the next level. I know it's hard to resist when you're interested in someone (and dates aren't knocking on your door; at least that's my situation!), but just be careful to protect yourself. If you got involved and it didn't work out, it might be difficult to have to deal with him everyday.
This is a crappy time of year and it makes most of us feel bad about where we are in life, especially if you're single. Hang in there and rent yourself a fun movie. Last year I did absolutely nothing on New Year's Eve and even went to bed before midnight and it was very freeing.
"That I scare him and he would never want to upset me. That I keep him in check and he is not even sure how I do it..."
I was a little confused by these statements. What did he mean by that? You should ask him. I've learned never to assume anything esp when it seems contradictory and ambiguous statements like these. What did he mean by your scaring him or keeping him in check?
If I were you, when there is strong signal of interest from a man that I like, I might just drop a hint about wanting to go out. i.e. you might say there's such a such a movie that I'd like to see or invite him to go a party with you and see how he responds. On second thought, inviting him to a party is the best. You find out under no uncertain term if he's trully interested.