Can Anyone Identify with This??
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| Thu, 01-04-2007 - 9:48am |
Hi everyone,
How are you all? I've been on NS for what's going on my 4th month and I like it!! The reason I'm writing on this particular board though has nothing to do with my weight. I'm just wondering if anyone here has the same issue, feels the same way, or has any uplifting suggestions because I could sure use some!!
My problem is that I've been down for a long time now because I've been unhappy about the fact that I just turned 30 in August. I still live at home because I cannot yet afford to move, and most of all, I've been single for a year and a half and I cant seem to find someone that I am compatible with. This makes me so sad. I just feel like something is missing. Its very hard for me to go out and meet people because I only have a couple of very close friends and they are all either married or they might as well be, and they are not into the "going out" scene (club/bar) and frankly, neither am I. I tried to meet people online (been trying it forever) and I've just been having such bad luck with it lately. I don’t know what to do anymore! I'm just so down and out about everything lately, I feel as though I'm just not where I want to be. Like I'll never get out of my family's house and I'll never meet my "one". It's depressing too because 2 of my good friends just got engaged (one of them being a man in his 50's), and my best friend is 5 months pregnant with her 2nd child. I just feel like I'm destined to be that third wheel forever :(
Sorry for the pity party rant, I just needed to vent a little today.

I can most certainly identify with you!
I also had to live at home with my family for a while at 30. I had been in a relationship that went abusive and had to move out of the state to escape him and it was either a shelter or my folks (pretty much a no-brainer, if you ask me).
Living at home, however, I found that dating (for me) was non-existant. People are very cruel and judgemental about other people's situations without knowing the reasons behind the situation. I got called a leech, a loser, lazy, and every other nasty name you can think of. That coupled with the fact that at the time I was about 60 pounds overweight, I figured that I would never in a million years ever meet anyone who wanted to date me.
Fast forward though, I went on a diet and lost 60 pounds. I also went back to school to acquire a bachelor's degree in nursing. I moved out and lived with a roommate I found on CraigsList, which turned out to be a very good situation. I also met a man I now live with.
There are still pangs of insecurity - both my younger brother and younger sister have bought houses. Both are married and my sister is pregnant.
So I see where you're coming from. I can only say this: it will get better in time. You just have to keep working on YOU, have some fun, keep yourself occupied, and wait it out.
Althought I cannot entirely relate to your situation, I know that living at home can be incredibly difficult, especially when you feel everyone else has made great strides in their lives.
Sounds like your in a slump, and everything in your life is impacting everything else. Living at home makes dating tough because it's a bit depressing....and if you're a little depressed it's harder to feel attractive inside & out so it's harder to attract someone you're compatible with.
I don't think that you should have to wait to meet someone to move out, placing your goals on someone else's shoulders can make you powerless in your own life. Take another look at your current position, budget and time schedule. Is it possible for you to apply for another job? What about taking a second job, part-time a few days a week for some extra income? Do you have a car payment or debt that's eating a huge chunk of your income? If so, can you buy a car with a lower payment (used?) or get onto a debt mgmt program? Would a roommate be something you'd be interested in, or at least willing to take on for your first year on your own?
Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to get what you want...and making those will propel you furthur in the end.
It's tough making new friends, especially when all your current friends are married or in relationships. Check out Meetin.org or Meetup.com - both sites offer you groups in your community to hang out with! It takes a little bit of courage just like online dating but there's less pressure cause it's not about romantic intentions.
Don't overwhelm yourself with trying to make lots of big changes....make a small one like meeting new people and then everything will begin to fall into place.
We're here for you!
In addition to the other good suggestions you got, having followed your various posts, I would definitely suggest that you go to counseling. I know you were asking about how to find a counselor and you got a bunch of suggestions--did you follow up on them and have you found someone?
Sheri