Hard Breakup...Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Hard Breakup...Advice?
6
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:28am
So I have been dating this guy since I was 16. I am turning 23 in 2 days. We have had a 7 year relationship and for the past few months I realized that I needed to break up with me him because I dont believe that 2 people can be together forever without being with at least one other person or at least being alone for a while. I started to become less and less attracted to him and we would have sex less than once a month. It took me 4 months to get up the nerve to break up with him because he loves me more than anything and would and does do anything for me. I finally did it last night and it was the hardest thing I have ever been though. I feel so completely lonely right now and I am wondering if I made the right decision. I cant stop thinking about him and I think about him more now than I have for the past 2 years. I want to call him and talk and go to his house and give him the biggest hug ever. I am confused because I dont know if my feelings mean that I still love him and want to be with him or that I simply feel bad for him and all the pain I put him through. We ended the night watching a movie but he left after 10 minutes saying he wasnt in the mood for a movie. I wanted him to stay so bad. I havent wanted to snuggle up to him and kiss him that bad in the past 2 years. I dont know if I am still in love with him because the months leading up to the breakup, I didnt think I was but now after the breakup I feel like I am more in love with him than ever. I cant stop thinking about him! What is your take on the situation?
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:50am
I can't be sure how YOU are feeling but I would suggest that you stay away, for now. If you go running back into his arms it will only confuse things further. I can imagine how alone you must feel. Hang in there, it will get better. I found that staying busy and planning activities ahead of time w/ friends, etc. helped me when I went through a painful break-up. Keep the calnedar full, at least until this funk starts to lift a little. I think you'll find after a certain amount of time, you can reason better and can be more decisive. Good luck, I know that it is not easy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:01am
I agree to stay away for now. I've never had a relationship that long but even after breaking up with boyfriends of 2 years I've had those same thoughts - did I do the right thing? Should I go back to him? Fortunately I've waited it out and have found, in my cases, that I did make the right decision. It may take a while for you whereas you were with him for so long but you will figure it out. I understand where you're coming from on your reasoning and I probably would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes, there's a lot out there and it's worth checking out :) good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 11:31am

i dont agree with either of those responses, personally. It is tough to find a loyal, commitment ready guy these days, and truthfully- if it aint broke- why fix it? it seems you love him and he was a good boyfriend. am i wrong? i wouldnt entirely give up. you may regret it the rest of your life after you have had your fair share of others. dont let him be "the one that got away" think of how hurt/jealous you will be when he finally moves on and find someone else. i mean, that is what you practically told him to do!!! let us know how it turns out.

-Leah

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:20pm
Yes, he is a wonderful boyfriend and person but the 4 or 5 months leading up to this breakup, I had felt like I had fallen out of love with him. I never had the desire to spend time with him and now after we are broken up I cant stop thinking about him and I feel like I am more in love with him than ever. My confusion lies in the question of whether I feel this way because I feel terrible for putting him through this because he took the breakup so hard or that these are my true feelings. My mom said just leave it be for a week or two or even a month and then see how I feel after that. I am miserable right now though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 8:01pm

Hey there!
Well, I just went through the exact same thing... except, my relationship was from when we were 15 to 19. I had the same feelings you did; less interest, wanting to be alone, or with somebody else.
Once I finally had the guts to break up with him, I also went through the exact feelings your feeling. I felt miserable because I was no longer with someone who was a big part of my life for so long. I felt that there was an emptyness and I almost wanted to get back together with him to fill the void that I felt.
But, in all honesty... I'm so happy that I didn't. It's going to be a rough few months, but that guilty and empty feeling eventually goes away and you realize that you did make the right decision.
I wish you the best!

-Courtney

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 9:33pm
I'd see a therapist. There was a reason you broke up, there is a space there now that is normal. He isn't there in that empty space. i'd definitely talk to a professional to help you figure it out. You'd also get some great support. What do you think? If you want to keep the relationship, you both can go. Leila