The great pay debate
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The great pay debate
| Wed, 01-17-2007 - 8:48am |
I was reading tallgirl's comment on the "what not to do on a date" thread about paying for drinks and it made me think to start this post.
I know most people expect the guy to pick up the tab on a first date, but what about subsequent dates?

I always tell myself that I'll let the guy pay all the time, if he wants, but I never do. (I let him pay for the first date for sure).
I guess, for me, it stems from not wanting the guy to think I'm what they call a 'dinner you-know-what.' I like to pay for things once in awhile to show I'm there for his company and not the free dinner and drinks. It seems to backfire on me, though, because many guys seem to take it as a sign that I'm not interested romantically.
It's much easier when a relationship is established. In my past relationships, we pretty much alternated who paid - but didn't keep strict tabs on things. It worked well.
Just one more reason why dating is stressful.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I like it if the guy pays for the first couple-three dates, and then I will usually treat them on the next date and every 2-3 dates after that, depending on the guy. And I'll usually get the popcorn or something like that even on the dates where he's treating.
Sheri
After the first date or two, I like to make it pretty much equal.
So you're all approximately on the same page as me.
I do want a guy to pay on the first few dates.
But I am of the habit of picking up the popcorn, or a few drinks at a bar or offering money. I don't think men should have to front the entire dating experience just because they are the male gender.
Smile,
Deirdre
My philosophy is that until I know the woman then I am not motivated to pay for a stranger. This is especially true if I meet her online. With that said, I do pay because I'm expected to pay. I do pay if I ask her out as well.
I see that women both want to be courted and to be friends first. I see that as somewhat mutually exclusive in terms of how you want to be treated. If you want to become friends before becoming lovers then friends split the tab.
Anyway, I would rather date where it is not a burden on either party in terms of expenses. I tend to go to the more inexpensive places because of all the other expenses I have in my life.
Insofar as the first three dates the guy pays rule, I have not gotten that far LOL.
The women I have been with have all turned into friends (I don't THINK it's correlated to my pay philosophy LOL) so I have not gotten to that number yet.
Mark
When Mr. Pooh & I had our first "non-date" (we didn't call it a date), he paid for dinner. We would also go to dinner & a movie on a pretty regular basis, so I'd pay for one, he would pay for the other.
We've been together for 3 1/2 years now so it doesn't much matter. He still insists on paying, but I strong arm him out of it occasionally. I also cook dinner and make lunches for him to take to work.
So it balances out.
But I'm of the idea that whoever asks, should pay.
Pooh1972
Co-CL of Interracial / Interfaith Relationships Board