I finally got a date

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
I finally got a date
46
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 2:33pm
I finally worked up the courage to go up and start a conversation with this girl who frequently serves me coffee at a coffee stand close to work. We've seen eachother around so she knows who I am. I asked for her number and asked her out for Saturday evening she said yes. I'm thinking about taking her to dinner and then to a pool hall afterwards. I'm really excited (I've only been on 2 dates my whole life and the last one was in July) but I'm really nervous at the same time. I don't know what mistakes I made with the last 2 girls I went on dates with, but none of them were interested in seeing me a second time. I really want this girl to stick around. What can I do or say to make her stick?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:25pm

Always be yourself so it didn't work out the last 2 dates who to say it was you maybe the timing wasn't right on their part so on that lovely note she said yes which means she finds you to be interesting enough to go on a date ask her questions about her job and her family and life and tell her how beautiful she looks on your date and laugh and live and learn my friend

Good Luck 2 U

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:02pm

Good for you. Asking is more than half the battle. I'm excited for you.

Before the date, just keep repeating to yourself that you're a great guy, attractive, fun, etc. and BELIEVE it. During the date, just be yourself. Remember to ask her questions about herself and what she likes. Hopefully, she'll pick up the ball and help make conversation easy.

Other first-date tips:

- Pay
- Open the door for her
- Make eye contact
- Smile
- Wear a clean, ironed shirt and no baseball caps!
- Breath mints
- Go somewhere where you feel comfortable and at ease (a pool hall after dinner is perfect - having an activity to do takes off some pressure)
- Don't try too hard

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 12:20am
She cancelled our date. She said she had some previous plans, but she wouldn't tell me what they were. She said we should meet up another time, but she didn't give me a specific time. Why would she do this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 11:49am

Sorry about your date.

I'm curious about this girl though and the thought process that went with asking her out.

I know you know each other at the coffee shop - for how long? Do you guys make conversations while you're there that don't include dates? What I mean is, before you asked her out, did you used to just talk to her about stuff?

Did you call her and talk to her at all? If so, did you do so after you had asked her out?

When she bailed on you (which is what it sounds like she did) did you question her? I noticed in your post you said "she said she had some previous plans but wouldn't tell me what they were." No one likes to be questioned. Because if she DIDN'T bail, it would be like being interrogated and no one likes that. And if she did bail, that's her business. It's the same as a guy telling a girl he's not "ready" for a relationship.

It really is hard to tell what's going on without knowing the dynamics. Maybe she really did have a previous engagement. Who knows? But my gut is telling me she just didn't want to go through with it because she felt uncomfortable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:23am

>>>I know you know each other at the coffee shop - for how long? Do you guys make conversations while you're there that don't include dates? What I mean is, before you asked her out, did you used to just talk to her about stuff?

Did you call her and talk to her at all? If so, did you do so after you had asked her out?<<<

I’ve just seen her there for a few months, but we never really talked until last week. Before then we just said “Hey again” or “How’s it going?” each time we saw each other, but we recognized each other’s faces. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to start a real conversation with her, but I was always too afraid or there was a line behind me. Last week, there wasn’t a line and I just asked, “Excuse me, but I’ve seen you here a million times, and I’m embarrassed that I don’t know your name.” And then we went from there.

>>>When she bailed on you (which is what it sounds like she did) did you question her? I noticed in your post you said "she said she had some previous plans but wouldn't tell me what they were." No one likes to be questioned. Because if she DIDN'T bail, it would be like being interrogated and no one likes that. And if she did bail, that's her business. It's the same as a guy telling a girl he's not "ready" for a relationship.<<<

After she said she had previous engagements, I asked her what her plans were, but she just said “just some things I have to take care of.” I told her I had been looking forward to our date all week. She said she was sorry, and that we can meet up some other time. I asked when, and she said she’d call me, but she hasn’t called back. I’ve called her a few times since then, but she hasn’t picked up her phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 3:07am
Do not tell her that you are embarrassed for not knowing her name. Forget the dressing-up and get to the point, "What is your name?" Furthermore, I suggest that you move on. When you are dating some one else, when you are radiating energy and happiness, she will be wondering why she never gave you a chance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:26pm

I'm sorry that she backed out. I've done this with dates before and it's usually nothing against the guy. I get soo nervous before dates and sometimes I'm just not feeling like going out with ANYBODY, as in I realized I wasn't interested in dating anybody at the time.

I wouldn't keep trying to call her, that makes you seem stalkerish. If she says she will call to reschedule you just have to wait and see if she calls. It may take a week or so...or she may never call. However when you call, and then call again it makes you seem desperate and needy. Plus it's a lot of pressure on her.

You live and you learn...now you have a better handle on things for next time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:30pm

Honestly, once you started asking her all of those questions it probably looked a little bit desperate. Like another poster said, no one likes to be the subject of an inquisition even if you didn't mean to prod I can see how she would be put off by it. Dating is a learning curve and I've been guilty of far worse in the past.

The next time you have a date with someone and they cancel or someone says they will call and doesn't you just have to dust yourself off and try again without knowing exactly why. It happens to the best of us. If it makes you feel any better, I met two different guys over the past three weeks, both of them after some lengthy conversation excitedly asked for my number and said they would definitely call me to grab a drink. Neither one of them called and who knows why. Maybe they were kidnapped by aliens, maybe they got amnesia??

You just have to hold out hope for the best and that it will come along, at least you made the effort this time even if it doesn't seem to be going in your favor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 3:33pm

I honestly can't tell you what the "problem" with you is, if there is one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 4:03pm
AKT, good for you. It's nice to see a response like this from you. :) It's all about confidence, right?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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