Please help
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:08am |
I'm at a loss, not sure what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I've been dating a guy for four months now. We talk almost everyday, see each other once or twice a week. He calls me, I don't call him. That's another story, but basically my defense mechanism, since I'm afraid of getting hurt. Anyhow, I talked to him about how I felt a couple months ago. He said that he wanted to see where things went and that he had feelings for me. BUT, he also said that he liked that things were casual, without expectations and drama. His last girlfriend needed to be with him all the time, gave him crap about everything. He said he likes to call and hang out because he wants to, not because he's expected to.
It's been a couple months now. He's going through many changes right now, job and family concerns. I know I'm the only woman he calls and hangs out with, although he talks to many other women, friends and his ex girlfriend. I don't know his intentions, everyone tells me to just trust his actions and believe he's interested. I'm feeling very insecure about it all. Why does he want it to be casual? If he really was into me, wouldn't he want to be with me in a relationship? Do I bring it up and talk to him about where we stand, even though he's going through so much.
I'm afraid to continue with things, without knowing where we stand. I'm falling in love and it's so scary to not know how he feels, if he's pursuing others, etc. Any advice? The thought of " a talk" scares me as well.

Did he say what "expectations" he is avoiding?
Love is scary but putting yourself out there is a big part of it I suppose. I guess if one walks around with a impenetrable shield around themselves all of the time, they would never get to experience the real thing.
I think as far as this talk goes, if you want a serious relationship then that's what you deserve. I think when to have the talk differs among folks, comfort levels, wants/needs, etc. If you are ready, I'd go for it. This is how I see it, if I was dating a guy, was at a point where I was ready for things to progress and he was persistent about not wanting to be in a serious relationship then I would move on. Why waste time? Just me.
Good luck!