Friends With Benefits Situation question

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
Friends With Benefits Situation question
3
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 2:37pm

I also posted this on the Relationships in Your 20s board, cause I wasn't actually sure where to go with this.

I recently met a guy on a strictly platonic basis (we actually met through a strictly platonic ad on Craigslist posted because we are both basically new to town) and it turns out that we have a mutual friend in common. The three of us have hung out as a group. Well, the one night that I hung out with the guy without our mutual friend, he and I hooked up, and then we hooked up the next time we hung out as well.

To me this is a total friends with benefits kind of thing -- I don't have any intention of dating him and I think he feels the same. After the first hook up he even said "we might just have to do this occassionally when we hang out." Anyway, we have never discussed this situation -- the fact that we are strictly friends with benefits. This may sound like a stupid question, but is this something that HAS to be discussed? Do we have to have a situation where we lay down rules? Also, our mutual friend is in the dark about our hookup. Do we have to tell her?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 7:34pm

There are very few things in life that you HAVE to do, but there are many things that are smart to do. If you want to avoid any confusion, misunderstandings, or potential for disaster, you need to discuss ground rules.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:24am
Why would you want to intoduce a third party? Doesn't make sense to me. Just make sure you both understand what "it" is and neither of you will be hurt as a result, that's the most important issue, in my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2005
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 9:43am

Unless there's something that you want out of this ... you would need to discuss the ground rules... but because you know it's a "friends with benefit situation, you have to remember... there is no.. real relationship, so what is there to discuss with your friend? Unless you want her to know?

If you both know and agree to just being the sex than everything else should be kept the same... remember even though it's just this... sometimes you might want to have more...
From someone of experience I was always opposite and didn't want anything else but that.... you have to really make ground rules for yourself, before you get hurt. and if you prepare yourself then there's nothing to worry about and just have fun...

take care...
jackrain