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| Sun, 02-04-2007 - 8:32pm |
Hello everyone,
I've been lurking for a while and thought I should just join in. Being single again at 41 is not any fun for me. I've been single for a year and a few months. Have dated some, met a guy on Yahoo, dated for about 4 months and then he just disappeared. He wouldn't return phone calls, emails, etc. No explanation, just disappeared. After that I just took a break. That was last April.
Now I think I'm ready to date again. So I've posted on Yahoo and Plenty of Fish. A little response from Yahoo, but nobody I'm really interested in. Now on Plenty of Fish, I've been contacted by lots of people, some I'm interested in, most am not. I did meet one guy Friday night from Plenty of Fish. We talked on the internet for 5 hrs Monday night, some Tuesday night. I gave him my phone number Tuesday night. We talked every night this week, we emailed back and forth lots of times. After our meeting on Friday night, we made plans for Saturday night. I called him about 4:30, didn't get him. He called me back and said what a good time he had on Friday night and he had eaten light all date to save room for Mexican food. He said he would call me back that he had to take his son home. He never called. I called and left a message, but no return phone call. What the heck. I know this is all to familiar to some of you. But if they are not interested in somebody, why say you had a good time and can't wait til tonight. We're adults, even if it hurts someones feelings, why can't guys let us know they are not interested.
I'm about to give up on online dating. Any suggestions of where to meet someone in their 40's. Anybody ever done the speed dating or event type social clubs? My problem is I don't have many, well any single friends to go and do things with. Anybody live in the Charlotte, NC area?? Feeling kind of bummed out and alone. My family or married friends can't relate to what I'm going through. I have a lot to be greatful for, just would like a healthy relationship to top things off.
Sorry, I've rambled. But need some support and advise, so thought I'd join in.
If you've read this far, thanks for listening.
Terri

I'm sorry that happened to you, but it's not just an online thing. Guys you meet in person do it too. If you do continue to try OLD, I'd highly recommend that you limit the amount of emails and phone calls you exchange and take it to real life ASAP. That way, you won't feel quite so invested if the guy flakes on you. I don't understand why people do this but it's very common so all you can do is let it go.
I've tried social/singles clubs and find that I meet tons of fun, interesting women and very few if any fun, interesting single men in my age group (I'm 48). There are always at least 2x as many women as men, and any remotely attractive, interesting men are overwhelmed and spoiled for choice. But maybe that's just how things are here in Seattle; I've heard tell of mythical places where more men than women show up at those type of things ;-).
Sheri
I do group activity things in Portland (not a dating/singles group) thru Meet In Portland. There is a Meet In Charlotte you might want to check out.
http://www.meetin.org/city/MEETinCHARLOTTE/index.cfm
Mark
Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you could take up a new, male dominated sport such as golf or something? I myself am going to look into some local fly fishing clubs this summer, not so much to meet men, but to meet people who share my interests.
I do not understand the whole lying thing when it comes to dating, either. I just try to rely more on body language and listen to my gut instincts. That isn't always easy when the guy happens to be an experienced deceiver, but I try.
Hang in there! Welcome to the boards!
Hi, Terri, welcome to the board.
Update - he emailed me last night. This is what it said.
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I'm sorry about the other night; I did not and would not stand someone up. I couldn't call because of terrible circumstances and I apologize for that. Yes I was interested in you and was looking forward to going out with you that night and that is the God's honest truth. I knew you would think different but I could not help it. I wanted to apologize yesterday but I knew you would still be upset and rightfully so but you don't know what was going on. I understand that you don't want to talk to me and I accept that but I just wanted to set the facts straight about the other night. Once again I apologize and am extremely sorry.
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I think IF he was truly sorry and something came up, he would have called me ASAP and not waited a day because I would still be upset. The last time I talked to him Saturday about 5:00, he did say something was going on with his son and ex-wife. I am so very disappointed because it appeared we had lots of things in common and I thought (and he said too) we had a good connection and he seemed like such a nice guy.
I'm just so tired of being lied to by men, I don't know what to believe and not believe.
Thanks for your replies. I know this is a very common thing and I'm glad I have somewhere to vent and people understand what I'm going through. I don't know anyone personally who could relate.
Terri
OMG, that's such a BS excuse! I don't believe it for a second. I agree with you that if it was legit, he would have made every effort to contact you ASAP and apologize. He just can't stand to be called out for his bad behavior and can't stand that you think badly of him, even though that's justified. I've found that's a very common trait as well--they don't want to ACT right, but heaven forbid someone should call them on their behavior and think badly of them. It's totally ridiculous.
Sheri
I completely agree.