Intimacy - More than 1, 2,...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Intimacy - More than 1, 2,...?
9
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 10:13pm

Hey Everyone,

So I need to pose this question. Let's say you were dating a guy in the past, and you two have made an agreement to just be fwb. Would you be hurt, offended, if the guy was also intimate with other women, while still coming back and continuing that intimate relationship with you as well? Do you have any grounds for being upset?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 10:35pm

Well, you can be upset all you want, but technically he's not doing anything wrong unless you both agreed to be exclusive.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 10:49pm

Ok, but if you both agreed to let the other person know if either of you found, or were intimate with anyone else. He was, never provided that info to you, but when you asked him, only then did he let you know.

Would you still have grounds for being upset and what are your thoughts on being intimate with someone who sleeps around?

Yes it's the 21st century, but aren't people concerned about the risks associated with being intimate with someone who has multiple sex partners anymore? Or is this conservative thinking?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:30pm

If you agreed that you'd let eachother know if/when you were intimate with someone else, yes, you have a reason to be upset.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 11:32am
I have never had this sort of relationship but it is my understanding that friends with benefits means that you are friends who also have benefits but there are no other strings attached. Meaning, one has the option to date etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 11:47am

I have to be honest and say that at this stage in my life (I'm 36) even an 'exclusive' lol FWB r-ship would be out of the question for me. Now even when I was younger and could deal with this whole FWB concept, if the FWB in quesion blatantly advised me that I wasn't his only FWB, I couldn't possibly deal with that. Upset?? I'd scream at him for at least 20-30 mins and tell him to go **** himself, to put it mildly. No way. No. My honest answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 12:08pm
Well said! I agree with you completely!! I'm not just going to be ok with it. Yes, we're not in a commited relationship, so why couldn't he have been upfront about it in the first place? Why hide it? We made an agreement to let the other know if one was sleeping with someone else and that agreement was broken. That's my issue. Guys suck!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 7:07pm

Honestly, I don't think anyone should ever have to justify their feelings (ie being upset), but just their reactions to them.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 9:52pm

My take is that it does not matter if you take a vote or a poll on whether you are justified or not. It is honoring what you are feeling.

I believe the work of any relationship is to communicate. It is not a matter of being "justified" IMHO. It is a matter of letting the other person know how you are feeling and why without judgment or blame. Then have a discussion.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 7:57pm
I have been in this situation with a few of my male friends.
I don't get jealous, but if you want an open relationship, why can't he as well?