What does sex have to do with respect?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
What does sex have to do with respect?
31
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 3:40pm

When it comes to either casual sex or sleeping with man they’re dating really soon after they started seeing each other, it seems that most women are dead set against it. When asked why, they say that they don’t do it because they want to be respected.

That makes no sense to me. Why would you fear being DISrespected? Why is respect even an issue? You might as well be saying “I don’t want to sleep with him too soon because I don’t want him to think I’m a space alien.”

Are you afraid of being called a “whore” or a “slut”? Because I have never heard a man (who wasn’t a 50 year old Evangelist nutcase) complain about a girl sleeping with them too soon or being too promiscuous. No man has ever said “Ew, you want to sleep with me ALREADY? What are you, some whore?” In fact, I’ve rarely ever heard a man use “whore” or “slut” as an insult, and when they do, it usually has nothing to do with the sex life of the woman they’re using it against.

So that said, why are so many women against casual sex or sleeping with a guy they started seeing right away? Why can't they be happy that they can, at will, find almost any willing sexual partner who's willing to leave it at sex and not bring in any entangling drama or complications?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 5:48pm

Because, as it's been stated, women are not men.

Most girls/women (not all, but I'd venture to say "most") just aren't interested in casual sex. Most girls/women are looking for something more long-term.

So, since most men (like yourself) are looking for just casual, it doesn't pay for a girl to just sleep with a guy if she's looking for something more. Because once he's got what HE wants, he's gone.

So it's not really respect; more self-respect.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 6:33pm
Precisely.


Edited 2/27/2007 12:45 pm ET by cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 6:39pm

>>>Most girls/women are looking for something more long-term.<<<

Why though? Why would you want all the time, energy, effort and drama of a relationship? Like I said, why can't you just be thankful you almost certainly and instantly find a willing sexual partner and be happy with just that?

>>>Because once he's got what HE wants, he's gone.<<<

First off, what do you mean here? Do you mean the guy will sleep with you once and leave? Because most guys would prefer a frequent hookup; a friends-with-benefits type of situation.

>>>Most girls/women (not all, but I'd venture to say "most") just aren't interested in casual sex.<<<

So how do you find those girls that are? And once again, how do you get those who aren't interested interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 8:22pm

>Why would you want all the time, energy, effort and drama of a relationship? <

Because it's as simple as biology and survival of the fittest. Females are the ones who get pregnant. We have a limited number of eggs. We are the ones who carry and care for the children. So we look for mates who will stick around and have the best potential to provide for us and our potential children.

Males have a virtually unlimited number of sperm and have this built in instinct to spread their DNA in competition with other males and their DNA. So it's in your biology to want to have sex with as many healthy women as possible to have your DNA spread all over the place - to survive.

Times are different but our biology (and consequently, our innate drive) isn't. That's just the way it is.

Getting past the biology part, and into "enlightened" times, I can't speak for all girls/women but speaking for myself, I don't particularly like casual sex because I *ahem* don't "GET" anything out of it, if you KWIM (can't reach any sort of climax with someone I don't know/don't care about and who I know doesn't care about me). It's a waste of time for me. So why bother?

>>>>Because once he's got what HE wants, he's gone.<<<

>First off, what do you mean here? Do you mean the guy will sleep with you once and leave? Because most guys would prefer a frequent hookup; a friends-with-benefits type of situation.<

... and that's exactly what most girls/women just don't want. Read the first paragraph. For the most part, we want someone who has potential. You've read the message boards. We just don't want casual flings. Women are not men.

And this...

>So how do you find those girls that are? And once again, how do you get those who aren't interested interested?<

... we have already covered - ad nauseum. So I won't touch it.

Repeat after me - "women are not men," "women are not men," "women are not men," ...




Edited 2/26/2007 10:36 pm ET by emdeesea
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 10:34pm

I still fail to see how respect, either respect from others or self-respect, is an issue.

>>>... we have already covered - ad nauseum. So I won't touch it.<<<

When did we cover this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 10:42pm

>I still fail to see how respect, either respect from others or self-respect, is an issue.

>>>... we have already covered - ad nauseum. So I won't touch it.<<<

When did we cover this?<

Say good-night Gracie!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:04pm

What's wrong?

It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, women constantly say they're just as sexual as men are so why aren't they just as enthusiastic to pursue sexual opportunities when they arise (<---not innuendo)?




Edited 2/26/2007 11:04 pm ET by redonculous
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 6:39am


Hey man,

I remember you said in one of your posts you were 20... ehm, are you sure you're 20 and not 12? Because if I were to guess your age from your posts, that would be the age I'd guess...

Do you REALLY not understand what everyone here has been trying to explain to you since you've started posting? Can you perhaps print out all of your threads and responses in them and re-read them and see if you get the 'lighbulb' moment or something?? Because honestly, it's just getting old.... sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 9:34am

To Redon:

Go back and re-read post number 2 in this thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 9:40am

>>>Because honestly, it's just getting old.... sorry.

My sentiments exactly. I for one, (like I think others are, from their posts indicating they are tired of this too) I am wondering how long this OP is going to keep baiting everyone with all these bids for attention.

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