What's going on here?
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What's going on here?
| Mon, 08-13-2007 - 9:20pm |
I need advice/opinions. I have been involved with a guy that I've known for about three years. We were good friends and we recently started dating. We've seen each other roughly ten times--basically dated for about a month. Here's the problem. That was a couple of months ago, and while we've talked to each other a few times, he's been quite busy and there was a tragedy in his family and we haven't had time to see each other. Now I'm starting to wonder if what he's really doing is distancing himself from me--trying to dump me without actually dumping me. I've had guys that I've dated for months just disappear on me before. I'm afraid that the same thing is happening again. Does anyone know what is behind this behavior? My opinion is that men who do this are cowards--afraid to face hurting someone so they opt just to stop calling cold turkey. Either that or they discover they have actual feelings for the other person and they can't deal with it. Or maybe they're just jackasses. In any case, I'm getting upset and I think I deserve SOME kind of explanation--especially if it's someone who was a good friend before. If it had just been one or two dates and we didn't know each other well, I would let it slide. But this isn't okay with me. I've tried to contact him but have received no response in the last week. What is going on?? And if anyone that reads this has just bailed on someone like this before or know someone who's done this before, I'd really like an honest answer. Because most of the time (and in this case), during these relationships, things are going really well. And then suddenly, the guy is gone for no reason that I can figure out. Help!

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I've never understood why guys will ghost like this, either, and I don't know that I ever will.
Amie
I've had a number of men do this, unfortunately. Even in the face of a family tragedy, I do feel the guy could make an effort to at least send an e-mail or two, especially in reply to yours. After a couple of months, I feel like the tragedy might be a fallback excuse (unless it was the loss of someone very close to him, in which case he may just be having a hard time surviving right now - let alone dating).
At first glance, I would say he is pulling a ghosting routine.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
From reading people's posts on guys ghosting, it seems a common excuse is that a family member or friend has experienced a "tragedy" and the guy is called away to help. Another one that seems to crop up often is the work excuse.
I find it hard to buy either. I don't buy the work excuse especially unless he is someone who travels a lot and that needs to be established up front.
Mark
Also, in tragedy you turn to the people you care about the most for comfort, not push them away. Thats an excuse. It only takes 5 minutes out of a day to say hello. He has time. Find a man worth your time. You're too good for this girl!
I've had this happen to me with just about every guy Ive ever dated and in talking to girlfriends about it and exchanging stories it seems that 9 out of 10, they've met someone else. Someone they'd rather pursue and spend time with.
If you haven't outright confronted him about it, I'd just let it go, don't call him anymore and move on. If he really cared about you and your feelings, he'd shed some light on what was really going on. Otherwise, why be bothered by a man that can't be bothered?
>>I find it hard to buy either. I don't buy the work excuse especially unless he is someone who travels a lot and that needs to be established up front.<<
UGH. I am going through this now with a guy - he's giving me both the work and family excuses. No tragedies yet, just weddings and needing to "help his folks." He's getting the boot today - I'm done.
I did date a guy who traveled M-F for his job, and HE actually made an effort to see me in spite of his crazy schedule -- so I don't buy it either. If you really like someone, you make time.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Sadly enough some men..not saying ALL...but SOME...just think by disappearing out of your life...it's taking the easy way out and not having to face issues.
I've been through it more times, then I care to recall.
All I honestly say...is be strong. Maybe it's best that you know now what kind of a person he is...instead of further down the road, if your relationship with him was to get more serious.
I would just walk away and move on. It seems if he was that serious about you and was that "in" to you, he would have never done this to you to begin with.
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