My date is confirmed, yahoo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My date is confirmed, yahoo
10
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 8:08pm

He passed the first test calling when he said he would. My date is switched to Saturday, he is driving from Fall river, Ma to Stratham, NH. I can't believe that one. I am keeping the thinking about this down. I could be off and running, but that is silly. Let's see if I like him first of all. he doesn't know that I am 12 years older or half deaf, but I am a great woman and good looking!!!!!!! hehe

He said to make resevations in a nice restaurant looking over the water. I am 20" from the Atlantic, so I just got a table.
it will be fun to dress up.

I usually go out with younger men, the older men are probably dead. So, I went out with a 70 year old, he would think I am really young and hot. He was rich, a house on the water, retired ages ago, treasurer of a bank, wife died in Jan. he was skinny, no chin, skinny arms, not my type. Also a little bland. after 1 cup of coffee, he e-mails me and asks " what turns me on, what do I wear in bed with a man and what makes me feel sexy" I should have said " army boots"

The one before said in the first 10 min of lunch " my X wife did not like my drinking" hello--------------If you listen they tell you everything you need to know fairly fast.

the next one, 75, now I was really pushing it, was so dysfunctional, said a 4 year old girl in front of us was flirting with him, when I left he said, " you are very jewish" I said, " thank you" he said " it's not a compliment" he was a case.

I have a list of stories for my book, like the builder who ate spaghetti with a soup spoon and asked me how much to leave for a tip? good reasons to be single.

I hope Sat night is not a story for my book, the last man I went to this place with was a heroin addict, I figured it out while I was eating my pistachio encrusted salmon. I fled while he paid the bill.

Now, i can think about what to wear, I love the planning of a date, don't you? even if it isn't good, the fun is getting ready. Leila

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 2:30pm

I hope every things works out for you.

I wish you all the best!

M.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 2:39pm

Leila
I hope you have a great time. I can feel your excitement. WOW, I thought I dated some doozies, how funny! Hey, I'll read your book if you read mine. ha ha ha

I have a friend that is in the counseling field and years ago she told me, "everyone tells everyone all about themselves in the first month or two of dating, but no one ever listens". Boy did that ever make me wake up and pay attention and she is SO right!
(I have learned to keep my mouth shut in that month or two-LOL)

I can't believe now that I've paid attention to that advice how many red flags I've seen. I love that guy that told you his ex thought he drank so much. Lets see---duh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 8:38pm
thanks Miranda, if not, I will have a story to tell. leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 8:40pm
hey, I'd love to read your book!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even the first 2 months, the first 2 dates. Listening is soooooo important. leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 12:35am

Leila,
You are so right. I'm totally realizing that!!! Within the first 2 dates you get some good "goop"...... on the ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, his friends' gossipy life (odd huh?) dirt on his friends and family and coworkers and even people he doesn't even know! (ways to make himself look "important"--- cut down others to make him look good-Yea right!)You can find out SO much. Funny!

The ones I get attracted to are the ones that don't do the above. Few and far between. I'm not a therapist.

I wish you all the fun on your date by the way!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 8:29am

thank you. My last man friend that I loved dearly, told me on our first date that he had an affair on his wife and felt so guilty that he got divorced. That sounds like it needs a little more exploring. After 2 years and living together while he daily told me I was his soul mate, he did have an affair to break the bond and left. he has appologized for years, at one point he said, he didn't know if he would ever get over hurting me. ( he will, poor baby) I will say, it was the best 2 years I ever had, the most attentive, loving guy. I was soooooo happy. He just can't commit. So, in that case: if I listened, I would not have had those 2 years of joy, but also would not have had 3 years of getting over him. Even if I see him now, my heart melts. Which is another subject, do you see X's????????

Even if one is not a therapist, or psyc nurse etc our hearts and intuition tell us a lot. If we really listen. I think we chose not to listen when the charming guys turn us on. I would do it again with the last guy. I did learn one very important thing: how important it is for me to be with a man who is warm and generous. My dad was cold and my 2 husbands were not all that warm and fuzzy. I did love the second one but there was too much drama, some of it me as I was a drama queen. I outgrew the need for that stress!!!!!!!! I need to not choose men like may dad. Warm and generous, that's for me. I listen for CHEAP. They tell ya that early on also.

Looks like you like to cook by your name? Leila

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 10:31am

Hi Leila,
I know exactly what you mean with the charming guys. I hear red flags in the beginning sometimes too and choose to ignore them. Or at least store them away in my memory bank of 'red flag storage' and save it up for later and choose to live in my "well....maybe" world if I really want to like the guy.

You know, the well maybe's? Well..... maybe I heard him wrong, well...... maybe if he keeps going to AA he won't fall off the wagon with me, well..... maybe he really did forget his wallet on accident, well..... maybe his exwife was a really horrible person and that's why he has so many domestic violence charges on his record.

I have since fired that 'well maybe' chick out of my life.

But I know what you mean, they tell you everything real soon but we tend to concentrate on whatever good charming qualities he has and push aside the facts.

With my therapist comment, it was sorta a joke. For instance, one guy I went out with only ONE time did nothing but talk about his exwife and every exgirlfriend he's ever had. He was so excited and really got into it. Giving me explicit details of conversations, fights, how this one was such a 'psycho', that one was 'insane', just on and on and on about each and every one of them. At first I tried to be compassionate. Then all of a sudden I felt exhausted. The next time he called me to go out I asked him if we were going to be alone.. He was confused and asked what I meant. I told him that our first date was really crowded with all his ex's around us. He said I was a good listener. I told him I'm not his therapist, if he needs to vent about his ex's, hire a professional.

Oh yea, I do cook. I have a full time office job and at night I do a lot of odd ball canning and sell my stuff at shows and businesses. For instance, one of my new jellies this year is Beer Jelly. I made it up using Labatts.

It;s so weird, some guys told me that to look at me I don't look like I would even know where a kitchen is. I don't get it, I'm really tall, blonde, slim but they seem shocked that I know how to cook so much. It intrigues them at first but I can't find a guy that really accepts it. I think it reminds them too much of their grandma and lose interest in me. So they think I'm just an easy blonde lay? A party girl? Then when I open my mouth and speak full sentences they're not interested. Or I'm good enough for a few gormet dinners they eat and run out to find that party girl. I just can't win.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 10:57am

It's not you. If they can't figure a tall slim gal can cook, they have a problem. I don't cook any more for a guy until he takes me our several times. If they don't want a real relationship, it scares them. Too home like, if they love it, it scares them more.

I love dinner parties, I love the shopping list as much as cooking and i adore sertting the table and buying flowers. I make my own bread and salad dressings. my new apron color coordinates the house. ( I used to bake cheese cakes for restaurants) great that you are getting paid for your talents.

The guy has to prove to me he deserves that attention and work. When I was young and not knowing ( thinking the guys would be impressed) I put on quite the extravagant meals and didn't see the guys again. What did i know.

All that talk about past relationships: the guy never read dating 101.

Leila

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 11:50am

I learned that too after awhile to not make dinner right away. How funny we made the same mistakes on that! They seriously have to take me out many times before I make them anything. I learned that the expensive way!

This single life and dating is so confusing.

Ohhhhh, cheese cakes, my complete weakness!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 1:55pm
Keep it simple, have fun with it. Life is an ongoing process of learning. don't take it too seriously. People come and go. Just when I thought I was getting it right, my husband dropped dead. (:- ) really. so, why take it all so seriously. Maybe I can get 10 good years out of someone. (:= ) Leila