New here...so empty

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
New here...so empty
2
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 4:54am
I'm new here, newly single, feeling down and out. I have been single now for about 4 months. Was in a very long dull marriage. 21 yrs. Would take me a long time to tell the whole story, but I am really down on men for obvious reasons. I started seeing a guy that I had known for years a few months ago. He ended up being a total jerk. I think he only wanted sex...never had time to just talk or spend time together. Then I met another younger guy, who treated me like a queen in the beginning. Then red flags started to appear....he ended up being a user. I really had feelings for him, and I still do to an extent. He wanted me to move in, I wasn't ready to jump from the frying pan into the skillet. So......he moved someone else in. That really hurt to the bone! It is like I am disposable...I didn't do what he wanted, so he found someone who would. I also have another person whom I talk to occasionally. I helped him decorate his house, we have had sex a few times, I could fall for him....but he is a player. I know I am being sort of vague, but it is a long story to tell....I guess I am just feeling like I have been used and I certainly didn't deserve it. I am a very caring, kind, giving person who has so much to offer. I don't know why I attract or am attracted to men who treat me like dirt. I want to be appreciated and loved. I am not really ready for a long term relationship yet, but I would like someone to treat me with respect and appreciate me for me. Not what I can give them or what I can do for them. Thanks for reading my rambling post. I am new to this single life...it is new and difficult. I am happier out of my marriage, and lately I am learning to not sit by the phone hoping it will ring.....I do my thing, go to work, come home and relax, and take the attitude " I don't care if I ever talk to a man again, I am gonna make it on my own." I don't like being bitter, but it is hard to not be that way when you have had to swallow so many bitter pills. Thanks for your ears!
L
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 7:25am

How long have you been divorced?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 11:45am

It sounds like you could benefit from some counseling, to figure out why you're attracted to men who are not willing to or capable of giving you what you want. I waited too long after my divorce to go and ended up in a 4-year post-divorce relationship that was not good for me--I wish I'd gone much sooner than I did.

Sheri