How long do you wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
How long do you wait?
5
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 9:23am

Obviosuly I am having issues with dating. I don't get it but whatever. So, you meet a guy, how long until he calls? I know ideally he would call within a day or two. What is the longest you wait before writing him off.

For all you guys out there who are on ivillage, why don't you call? If you were obviously into the girl and got along great, why don't you call her?

I'm really frusturated b/c this keeps happening to me and this last guy was not my normal type, you know he seemed really nice ;P

My friends say that when they ask for my number I should say no but I will take your email or phone #. I feel like email is a little silly and I know this puts me in control having their number but if they approached me, I feel like they can call me. I mean, why would I want to call someone who wasn't going to call me.

Thoughts? Stories? Advice??

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 9:33am

I give up since I do call the woman. The ones I did not call were the ones who seemed reluctant to give me their phone number in the first place.

I have a counter (rhetorical) question: Why don't women call back after we have had a couple of great dates and with them saying "call me."

I think it's spending energy on a useless question on why people don't call/return calls. They just don't and even though it sucks, it's "life" and we need to let it go and move on.

My "solution" is to meet people who will call/return calls. And the trick is to figure out who those people are. Maybe that's called intuition.

Plus I believe that relationships are a self selecting process. That means if it does not work out then we are not meant to be together. So therefore if the guy does not call then he is not the right one for you anyway and you are better off not even starting any sort of relationship with him.

Good luck to all of us.
Mark




Edited 8/21/2007 9:35 am ET by mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 9:37am

I read all the stuff on this main board for "understanding men" (not the message board) and the guys there said to give HIM your number. This puts you in the lead, so to speak, it "puts the ball in your court, not his". Before I joined this group, (last week) I read a story about a guy that was a player, he could get anyone he wanted, but he was at a club and this girl walked in, not the prettiest, not the sexiest dressed, she was brunette and he preferred blondes, but she walked in with an aura, a sort of confidance. He talked to her and eventually gave her his business card and asked her to call him. He wrote that she took the card, wrote her number on the back and gave it to him and said, "I would prefer it if you called me". He wrote that he was so amazed by that and was instantly attracted even more, and didn't even wait for the typical 2 to 3 day waiting period to call her, he called her the next day.

Also a book I recently read said that same thing, give the guy your number.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 10:31am

>>For all you guys out there who are on ivillage, why don't you call? If you were obviously into the girl and got along great, why don't you call her?

Good question. Refer to my earlier thread on "free market theory of dating". In the dating market, *you* are the product and you want to increase demand for the product. There are two ways to increase demand. One is through advertising. Create the best possible impression you can in the mind(s) of the customer. Once a favorable impression has been created, carefully restrict supply. For a guy that means call infrequently or rarely. When a woman does this, she is said to be playing hard to get. A good product in limited supply will have a higher demand than a good product that is readily available. Unavailability adds to the perception that it must be even better because it's in such high demand. And then, perception of high demand leads to even higher demand ! (Why is it that women are attracted to guys who are known flirts or always have women hanging around them ?)

But this shouldn't be overdone. Customers eventually lose interest in a product that is perpetually unavailable, no matter how good. The frustrating "mind games" people talk about are actually carefully crafted marketing campaigns, no different from those carried out by commercial businesses.

This is assuming the guy is interested. It's possible he is not calling because he is not interested.




Edited 8/21/2007 11:11 am ET by capegirardeau
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 11:37am
I think more than any of the supply and demand thing, the interested thing reigns. I mean, if he were interested enough he would call. I just wish guys would stop thinking they are polite by asking for it. I mean, if I am out and having a conversation with a guy and he leaves without asking I am like, ok he's a jerk or whatever. I'm done thinking about it by the next beverage. But if he asks, then he should call. If he doesn't, you are thinking about it for days!! Oh well, whatever. When the right guy comes along, he will call and that will be that. :)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 11:40am

I don't "wait" at all. Early in in the dating process, I assume that each contact is going to be the last (regardless of what the guy says), and I go on with my life as though he's not a factor (which at that point he's not). If he does contact me, great; if not, oh well, I'm already focusing on other people.

I would definitely NOT do what your friends suggest--whether a guy calls gives you a good sign of how interested he is. If you call him, he may be polite and even go out with you, but that doesn't mean he's really interested.

Sheri