On Being a Tease

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2007
On Being a Tease
14
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 5:45am
Ok I've been dating a guy for about three months and I think he might be long term boyfriend material. One issue we are having is that I'm waiting to become intimate with him.
We have begun openly talking about sex, and I'm looking forward to it, but I have been burned to many times rushing into it, so I'm making him wait. Like I told him, if we take our time we can savor evrey step.
Well he gets bothered when we are kissing heavily and I stop him when he wants to go further. He said I'm a tease. I think a few years ago that would have bothered me, but I'm
ready to embrace it. What's so wrong with being a tease?
Its not like i'm never going to have sex with him. why shouldn't a woman decide when and where she has sex? I don't think its about being better than her man, I just think its our role to lead them along and give ourselves at a time of our own choosing.
If it were up to most men, we'd just be having sex all the time.
Am I out of line?
Anne

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 10:56am

You are NOT being a tease. You have made it 100 percent clear that you want to wait, and it's up to him to respect that and wait until you are ready.

In my opinion, calling you a tease is a very high-school-boy thing to do. He needs to man up.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 1:50pm
Everytime you are physical with a guy he's wondering "ooooo, sex maybe??" Tell him you'll let him know when you're going to have sex and you'll let him know before you guys get hot & heavy. Consider that it also might be painful for him to stop if you're really turning him on...women can just stop, with no reprecussions, the male system isn't that way. Stuff starts to move and when the act stops, it has to reverse or he has to finish the job himself.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:01pm

There are different ways of not/having sex. Sex can be something other than intercourse. There are the traditional "bases" and the variations of petting as well as the kissing.

If you are upfront and honest about your intention of staying with him and having "sex" later on the relationship then that is not teasing for he has a choice to participate in the kissing activity knowing that is all is going to happen.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:06pm

No offense intended but -
That's sounds completely like a high school pressure technique they warn you about in health class. If he's that hot and bothered, he can go home and take a cold shower, or take care of it himself. Women can be frustrated just as easily as men.
If he continues to push or says things about being a tease, I'd take a big step back.

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 2:15pm
It's not something I heard from a turned-on boy...we were actually taught this in high school health years and years ago. Of course my theory is, if you're a guy and you know it might hurt to stop, don't let it get that far. It's not meant to be an excuse, just meant to help women understand yet another way arousal and sex are different for men.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 3:02pm

>>Consider that it also might be painful for him to stop if you're really turning him on...women can just stop, with no repercussions, the male system isn't that way. Stuff starts to move and when the act stops, it has to reverse or he has to finish the job himself.<<

Amen. Such is the woe of being us. Men are like the Solid Booster Rockets (SBR) attached to the space shuttle during launch. Once ignited, there is NO way of turning them off. They have to burn through completely before detaching from the orbiter.

I don't think women fully understand this about men. I mean we *can* be made to stop mid cycle, but not without our delicate male bodies suffering catastrophic damage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 3:19pm
I don't think you are being a tease at all. He needs to respect your decision and if he has issues with it, he shouldn't let it get so far. I commend you for waiting. I think so many times sex too early can damage a relationship ( depending on the people). He may hurt for a little while until it releases, but we have to hurt every month from cramps just so one day we may be able to procreate with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 3:48pm

Oh, PUH-leese.

Even if it were true (and I don't buy the melodramatic accounts), don't blame the woman for an issue that is in your control in the first place. If you know she's not going to have sex with you, stop before it gets to that point. Or, as PPs have said, go find a cold shower.

She deserves better than some lame guilt trip from a boy resorting to childish, mind-game tactics.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 3:52pm

>>If you are upfront and honest about your intention of staying with him and having "sex" later on the relationship then that is not teasing for he has a choice to participate in the kissing activity knowing that is all is going to happen.<<

Mark - thank you, as usual, for restoring my faith in men.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 4:16pm
LOL! Ha! I thought the exact same thing. I thought I might sound too snarky, but I'm in your camp. If men suffered irreparable damage every time they had to stop after being excitied, the human race would've ceased to exist before we even developed opposable thumbs. A brisk wind sets most guys off.

~Heather~

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