How often does it happen -- connection..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
How often does it happen -- connection..
3
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 10:53am

Hi everyone... I want to share my story and also see what everyone thinks about the situation and my questions...

Background:
I don't have much dating experience. I'm 24 and I just came out of a 4.5 year relationship earlier this year. The relationship was a very suffocating one and I did not have much of a life outside of it. After it ended, I had to be pretty creative in getting my life back together and meeting new people. On the ex: he's moved on to another girl already (a girl he was interested at certain points in our relationship). I'm completely over my ex, although I'm still very adamant about the no contact rule and just honestly, I don't need him in my life.

Situation:
So a few months ago I started going out more and meeting more people. I'd say I've met at least over 50 new people in the past few months. It's fun, but I haven't met anyone I'm particularly attracted to. Besides, I haven't been looking for love. I felt like I needed to take a break from love.
Two weekends ago I went to this bar/club for friend's friend's birthday party. That night, a random guy (not from my friend's birthday party) came up to me and started talking. We ended up chatting and dancing for a while, then he invited me to his place. I was a bit hesitant, but he assured me we'd just be hanging out, so I said Ok. So we went to his place and just hung out... at some point in the night I really started to like this guy... so when he asked to kiss me at his place, I actually said no. I did not want this to end up being just a one night hook up kind of thing. I was actually interested in seeing him more and cared about him enough for it to not having it happen this way. Anyway, at one point we were hanging out on the bed and he started falling asleep. I guess he was very tired and being kinda mad that he fell asleep and wouldn't wake up, I left, thinking I'd be able to find him on facebook later. We never exchanged contact info.
So I searched for him, and he has an account, but no picture, no friends, so I don't think he checks it. But I tried to friend him anyway. No response.
I talked to all my friends about it, and since I knew where he worked, I decided to send him an email at work. No response... wasn't sure if he got the email or not. When I didn't receive a response, I immediately thought he was ignoring me. By the way, this guy is not the player type at all. I thought he was a bit nerdy and just a good guy.

Anyways, so it's been over a week since I sent that email... and I still can't get over him. I really felt like I had a connection with him. But if the feelings were at all reciprocated, I feel like he should've tried to look me up and asked me for contact info during the night, and that didn't happen.

This is the first guy I've been really attracted to and interested in after all these months and all these people I've met. But I also don't have much experience being single. I'm just wondering, how hard are these to come by? Am I doing the right thing, acting like a girl & not being too forward, and just dropping this thing? I know there's the thought that you'd rather not regret, but I also need to find the fine line between not regretting anything vs. having a girl doing the initating....

Thanks to anyone who reads and responds... this is such a long post!!!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 08-31-2007 - 6:48pm

You are actually being quite forward, in my opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 11:29pm

I would say that from this experience, you gained the positive gift of knowing you can be attracted to and have a connection with another man. It doesn't sound like you found 'the one,' but at least you know that there are and surely will be other ones. That is a good step, and I hope it's encouraging to you.

Like shywon said, guys who want to take you home or go to your home after the bar aren't generally interested in a relationship, although I have had a couple such guys who were (they weren't even close to 'the one' though :). I wouldn't worry that you've lost something great - it doesn't sound to me like you have. There should be much better to come.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2005
Mon, 09-03-2007 - 8:48pm
Those are very encouraging words and a very positive outlook on the situation, which is exactly what I need right now -- I need to stop being so bummed out by this. Thank you... I am definitely going to save your words and keep reminding myself to stay positive :)