My Problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
My Problem
4
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 11:49pm
So, I am guessing if few people start saying the same thing about you, chances are it's true. Hahaha! I was recently told by a guy friend of mine, that I am very sexual. No, I don't sleep around but I am very comfortable with my sexuality and can talk about sex with all my friends quite easily. Apparently, when I like a guy, I come on sexually strong, like I am very flirtatious etc. This makes the guys more interested in me sexually than long term. My issue is, for me, I've been like this all my life. I was like this when I met my ex (and I am one of those people with at least a month or two of dating before sex) and was with him for 9 years before he passed away. I've always been flirtatious and giggly person. The way my personality is, even if I am not flirting, at times people think I am. If this is really the reason why I am not doing so well in the dating world, is there a way I can stop it?? I seriously just don't go out there flirting with people. Yeah, if I am interested in somebody, I will flirt with them. How do I stop coming on as sexually strong because sex really is not the first thing on my mind when I meet somebody I like. I am getting tired of guys wanting to sleep with me...that's if they get passed the shock that I am really single. The weird thing is, although I may come off that way, I don't think I even have the balls to talk about sex with my date unless we've gone out a whole lot of times. Any advise?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
In reply to: piscopa
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 2:24pm
You were bubbly before you met your ex. You were the same while you were with him. You two were happy. Why would you change now? “Most” men that approach you are thinking short term, not long regardless. Be yourself. You have 9 years of proof you are not the problem.
We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: piscopa
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 2:24pm

Are you really flirty or just overly friendly? Maybe for a while try to be really conscious of your body language (hard to do, I know), and then think about it later. If you were an outside observer, how would you have viewed that behavior?

Another option, if you have a friend you trust to be brutally honest, ask him/her to let you know when you are coming on too strong and maybe they can help you tone it down a bit.

Does this overly sexual behavior come out mostly when you're drinking? If so, you might want to consider avoiding alcohol when you're in a situation where your body language could be misinterpreted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
In reply to: piscopa
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 11:08pm

Actually, I don't drink at all. I can hardly, hardly finish a quarter glass of wine. Drinking is just not my cup of tea. You are right, I should ask some of my friends to keep tabs. My girlfriends don't think I am overly sexual at all. They think I am way too friendly but not in a sexual way. Some of my guy friends beg to differ :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2007
In reply to: piscopa
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 12:23am
Are close freinds or family indicating that you are showing signs of an addiction? It doesn't sound like it, but if so, you may want to get a professional opinion. If it is the only the guys saying something, and your girlfriends think you're being too freindly rather than too flirty, trust your girlfriends. The guys may be hoping, but your girlfriends will tell you if you're acting inappropriately. You sound happy with who you are. Don't change because someone else thinks you should.
Brenna