Does therapy....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Does therapy....
33
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 10:50am

really work?

I ask this question as a two-fold....

One, I have started therapy myself and have found a really great therapist. We've just started to get into the work and I am finding out she is really good. What I struggle with, is the fact that I am going to grad school to get my masters for counseling and I am in my last year of school. So when I ask myself, does this work, I really wonder what therapy does to help? I was recently in a relationship that brought out things in myself for the first time that I noticed had to be resolved before I could ever help anyone else. Why this one relationship affected so MUCH more then others is because I guess we really had a deep connection, but also triggered issues in each other that needs to be resolved. At least that is what my therapist says and I do feel she is right. One thing therapy does if you have a good therapist, is make you realize why you do things. But my question is, does it really help in the long end? If so, how does it help? How do these things end up getting resolved? There has to be more then just getting these issues out into the open. These are the things we don't talk about in school.

For the second part of my dilemma, my ex was contacting me via text and phone. I still adore him and I know he loves me. I continued to allow him to contact me because I told him that if he got help himself, I would stand next to him. And he did. He has been seeing a therapist for about a month now. And he is committed to continuing the therapy. But now, he has been Dr. Jekkel and Mr. Hyde. One moment he wants to confide in me what he has been learning and the next, he is getting so ANGRY at me for the smallest things. I learned after we broke up, he has addiction issues. He was able to suppress them while we dated for the 8 months we were together, but once I broke up with him, they all came crashing out. My counselor says that he could not suppress them anymore because he does not know how to deal with his emotions and my break up with him really devastated him. We have decided not to contact each other anymore, in order to focus on healing ourselves. And I am sure this is over, which breaks my heart, even though I know it is for the best for both of us for the moment. Maybe one day we will find our way back to each other. Who knows.

But back to my question in my mind..... Does therapy REALLY help, because I feel right now that things are just getting worse.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 10:59am

Sometimes it does. I've been going off and on for years, quitting when I feel much better.


This round feels different though. I'll have good week, then a really bad one. I'm starting to see a pattern for when things feel really good. But I'm hanging in there until mynext visit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 11:07am
I think it can feel like things are getting worse because therapy forces you to think about and deal with things that are difficult. Without therapy, you might be more likely to suppress those emotions, and then they come out later when you least expect them. It can feel better in the meantime to not deal with emotions, but it only makes things worse later.

It's like cleaning out a closet - it has to get worse before it gets better. Most things that are worthwhile take work. Work sometimes means pain -- but, in the end, the result should be worth it.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 11:16am

So do you really feel those issues you were forced to deal with have been actually resolved though? If so, how? I guess I am at a loss at how it changes you. Or is this something that we have to be cognizant of and deal with the rest of our lives?

Thank you by the way for telling me about your experience. I am starting to realize that most people could benefit from therapy, not just those that are hurting. It was not until this last relationship that I realized I need to work through some issues. My ex and I were really gifts to each other in that respect.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 11:38am

I really doubt that any two people have the same experience of therapy, even if they both feel it has "worked".

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 11:43am
This is only my perspective. I don't know if therapy works, I have never sought it. What could a "therapist" -- someone not a trained psychiatrist who is able to prescribe medication, possibly tell me that I couldn't figure out on my own ? From what I see therapy only encourages dependence, and therapists love that because once you get hooked you will be making never ending trips off and on.



I draw a major distinction between psychology and psychiatry. Most of these 'therapists' like "Dr" Phil and and "Dr" Laura are quacks with degrees in Psychology. But psychology(no offense to you psychology majors) is not a medically established science like psychiatry is. There is nothing they could tell you that any experienced grandmother couldn't. If I were suffering from clinical depression, which touch wood I am not, then I would go see a real psychiatrist with an M.D.









Edited 9/25/2007 12:03 pm ET by capegirardeau
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 12:11pm

I am trying really hard to be respectful right now....

For one person who has never been to therapy, it is somewhat disrespectful to call therapists "quacks" especially since these people are out there to help others, not to be rich. Most counselors and therapist don't make that much money especially in the beginning. My first year out of school, I can only expect to be making about $24,000 and three times as much in debt to student loans,

I really feel you could benefit from doing some research and educate yourself in the field. In many cases Psychiatrist do not practice therapy, they do research and prescribe meds. Those who are really working with individuals and their issues are the clinical psychologists, clinical social workers and clinical counselors. Most people who do not have major disorders don't needs medications, they just need guidance. Sometimes we get so wrapped up into our own hurt and pain, that we cannot see through it. A trained therapist who has extensive schooling will point out and guide you the best way to help yourself.

Please have an open mind and educate yourself. You are basing the whole field off of two people from the media and not really focusing on the subject of this thread.

Best regards,
Kcole

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 12:30pm
As I said, it's only my perspective, and no offense meant to budding therapists. If you want to be a therapist or seek therapy yourself, do so by all means.



I just think I am best able to deal with my (psychological/emotional)problems. If there are things that bother me, I think about what they are and why they are doing so, and I deal with them.



>>In many cases Psychiatrist do not practice therapy, they do research and prescribe meds



Not true. Heard of the psychiatrist's couch ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 12:54pm

This is only my perspective. I don't know if therapy works, I have never sought it. What could a "therapist" -- someone not a trained psychiatrist who is able to prescribe medication, possibly tell me that I couldn't figure out on my own ? From what I see therapy only encourages dependence, and therapists love that because once you get hooked you will be making never ending trips off and on.


And what would you suggest to someone that can't just figure things out on their own or who don't have an experienced grandmother to give them advice? It sounds like you are downing going to someone else for help when some peole really do need the help from another, trained person.


Also, I have had therapists who were more helpful than PhD's or MD's. I just don't think saying you can help yourself without any help is

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 12:58pm

Hey kcole, Your question sounds like the final exam in your counseling program LOL.


My view is that we all have our "stuff" which gets in our way of living the life we want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: kcole68
Tue, 09-25-2007 - 1:00pm

I think that ws very helpful Mark and I agree with every word. My therapist helped me understand a lot of things I'd never considered or realized. Now I just have to learn to deal with those past issues.


Good post!


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