I don't like being single again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
I don't like being single again...
7
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 12:00am

I am having lots of trouble being single again. I've had a lot of boyfriends through college and my last relationship lasted 2.5 years and just ended a few months ago. I thought he was the one....but apparantly he changed his mind..or maybe he never felt the same way all along and just "faked" the entire relationship. I still have a lot of unanswered questions, which I'm sure many of us do after a break up.

I constantly get hit on by guys at work, or male friends of mine who have been waiting for me to be single again...but I'm just not interested. I know I shouldn't compare these guys to my ex, but I was so in love with my ex and I can't imagine putting my heart out there like that again. Before this guy, I was always the one who broke things off with guys before things get serious, because I'm either bored or we don't click. So you can imagine my heartache now that I'm on the other end of the break up. I still feel so torn up inside. I've spoken to all my friends for advice and comfort but no matter what I feel like I'm at a loss. I don't mind going on a few dates here and there, but in the end someone always has feelings for me, and I don't have anything to give right now.

OHhh! As I write this...my Ex just messaged me online..if you can believe it. I haven't spoken to the jerk in 2 months and he sends me a message now?? He just wrote "Can we please not be like this, I want us to be cool, not people who never talk and hate each other. " And you know what? I didn't write back. I keep reminding myself, he broke my heart twice. We broke up twice, and he ended it both times, giving me a false sense of hope. I'm sure I just need more time to get over this. I don't know how long these things take...especilaly when you were convinced you were with the one. :(

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 7:35am

I really think you just need more time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 2:45pm
They say it takes about 1 year to get over long term relationships. I think you need to focus your time on yourself for a while. Take a step back from the microscope you've decided to put on your life and just relax. Hang out with your friends, keep your mind away from the worrying and anxiety.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 8:58pm

Hey guessgirl21 - I'm going to *guess* you might be selling yourself short. Your instincts have served you pretty well so far, so be strong and resist the temptation to respond to your ex's message! Sometimes people make mistakes and end up getting back together. But if he's broken your heart twice, that's enough. You deserve more and I know you will find it.

In the meantime, remember that nothing is more attractive than someone who is taking good care of herself and knows what she wants... and doesn't want. And what you don't want (or need) is someone who takes you for granted.
MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 9:51pm
Thank you MM for your message. I know my friends support me but sometimes you need an outside opinion in order to move on. I've never been through such a rough break up before. It breaks my heart to think, "how could he let me go? I'm such a fabulous woman." Now that I have so many dating options, I think it will still take me a while to fall for someone else..but in the meantime, why not have fun with friends?! :) have a good weekend
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 12:23am
While you are recovering and not in a new relationship, you might check out a book by Barbara DeAngelis, called "Are You The One For Me?" It's a good read for (1) examining what may have been missing in the relationship you just got out of and (2) to help you find your own warning signs before the next serious relationship...I think knowing that you do have your own boundaries will help next time you meet someone you might want to get to know better. You might feel less vulnerable to being hurt and much more likely to see trouble before it knocks you off your feet! Have fun with your friends. They're the best thing going. MM
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 2:49pm

I know you are hurting right now and can't imagine being happy again.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Wed, 10-03-2007 - 3:42pm
When the love of my life left me for the person he is currently married to, I thought I would never be happy again. It took three years, but I remember the exact day that I walked out of my office on the way to my car, looked up at the sky and just felt a weight come off my shoulders, I specifically remember thinking to myself, "I'm going to be okay"...I didn't mope around for those three years, I dated other people, etc., but I always thought about him. That was many years ago, and that same guy still calls me every few years to complain about his wife and to ask why we aren't together. He thinks we will end up together in the end....what, when you are 80....no thanks!!! Keep your chin up....