Who pays for the date?
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| Wed, 12-26-2007 - 12:58pm |
Hi all!
I'm sure that this has been one of those questions that has been asked many times on these message boards...here goes again...
When it comes to dating, who pays for the date? I've always believed that if a person asks another person out, then the person doing the asking should be willing to pay. This makes perfect sense...right? However, does it matter whether or not the ask-er is male of female? In other words, is it fair to assume that the guy should ALWAYS be willing to pay for the date? I've heard different opinions about this. One person thinks that men should be willing to pay for the first several dates, as it is usually the male who is courting the female. Of course, this is 2007 (soon to be 2008!!!). Does that whole courting thing apply in these days and times? I'm an old-fashioned girl, so I think it would be wonderful if a man was always willing to pay.

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I agree that whoever asks, pays, whether male or female.
Z
Thankfully, yes, courtship is alive and well, at least with most of the men I've dated.
For me, it's not about the amount of money a guy spends or getting a "free meal" but the gesture of being courted.
I am in this new relationship. We have been on 7 dates. I have asked her out for each one. I have paid for each one. She did mention that she did not know the rules for dating and wanted to make it more equitable. I make more money than her (not sure about who has the most expenses though so gross income is one measure but I'm on a tight budget). I told her that my view is not to look at who pays using dating rules but to look at us going out together and make the decision based on what she thinks is right regardless if it is a "date" or not.
I don't see myself as courting her and she does not want to be courted. We see our getting together as a way of creating a closer relationship but not necessarily a traditional romantic one.
Mark
I pay for dates weather I ask, or just say yes. It is an anti "leach" thing. (-: If she isn't worth the tab, she isn't worth a date. LoL I do dutch with friends, not dates. Cant defend the idea however, just me being old school, and to be 100% honest it has more to do with me being "uncomfortable" with having a woman pay for my dinner. (-: I was raised to belive it had less to do with what she had, than with the message it sent about him . . . like I said . . anti leach thing . . . .
I definitely feel like a man should pay for dates in the beginning. If you become a "relationship", then I think you should share expenses. I don't care if it's almost 2008, I still think men should pay. And I'll go one step further: I think men should do the asking at first, too.
If courtship is dead, it shouldn't be. It doesn't have to be like pre-WWII with a boy coming to your house and you sit on the porch with your parents looking out the window. But personally I find it very romantic when a man "courts" me. It doesn't have to be corny. But I was married to a man who never really courted me, and believe me, things never improved. Maybe I've got some baggage in this area, but I know that for far too long in my life I felt like, "Well, women are liberated now, we don't have to do all of these old fashioned things. We can ask men out. We can pay our own way, etc." Women don't need to be helpless, or pretend to be. We can own our own homes, have our own retirement accounts, own our own businesses, be paid like a man, but I still want men to ask me out and court me. Believe me, they will be richly rewarded (and I'm not talking about "rewarding" a man with sex).
It sounds like the man who asked you out for "your day" is just trying to establish a relationship with you, not get you to pay. When you go out with him on your day, it will probably become clear as to what "his day" is all about.
1) Often the first few dates are nothing but a preliminary evaluation, especially the first one. I refuse to pay an 'evaluation fee' for my own evaluation, just as I wouldn't expect the other to do the same, only to discover in an email one day that we don't 'click'.
2) If the man routinely pays for the first few dates, then the woman feels pressured and obligated to be with him longer, even if she sees no potential in him for whatever reason. This is not fair on the woman.
3) In the "post feminist" world women claim to be the equal of men in all respects, they why suddenly go traditional when it comes to dating ? Heck we even have women talking of proposing marriage to men, not to mention role reversal and role reassignment in everything else.
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"Post feminist" is probably the wrong term. I meant in the 'modern world'. 'Post feminist' refers to what is left of the radical feminist movement after Rush Limbaugh blew it to smithereens.
I must be the only one, because I didn't assume he meant paying, although it was an odd comment.
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