Well, it's official...I've been rejected

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Well, it's official...I've been rejected
6
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 6:35pm

First of all I want to thank everyone who helped me and gave me advice on here about my date that I had over the weekend.


Secondly, I'm sure many of you are wonderinf how I made out, but I'm sad to say, that I talked to her last night, and got the indication that she does not want to go any further.


I spoke with her on line, and could not get her to talk much, and finally I asked her what her plans were for this weekend, and she said "I'm busy." She then told me she had to go, and immideatly turned on her auto response. I called her a short time later, but she did not answer her phone.


So, it's official, I have once again been rejected.


I can not help but wonder if it is something that I did or said to make her not like me or what is on her mind, but it seems that this is how it goes every single time I meet someone. We talk for a bit, and once they meet me, it's like they just want to run the other way.


I am not a bad person, but it's like no one will just give me a chance. All I want is to find a companion, who will accept me for who I am, and give me love and support (something I don't even get from my own family.) I just don't understand what it is I am doing wrong.


They say that there is somebody for everybody out there, but every day I wonder more and more if that is true.


Sorry for the rant, but I just had to get it off my chest.


Take care, and thanks again for all of your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 7:28pm
I saw this coming and so I am going to add some salt to your injury as it's the only way you will learn:



1) Stop needing to be loved. It's a weakness. Nobody respects the weak.



2) Don't waste a dime on women until you are going steady. Spending money on women early on signals weakness and women see that easily. Some women date only to enjoy free meals -- especially ones that appear to enjoy the first date but abruptly cut off all communication afterwards. From what you said, yours appears to be a freeloader



3) You don't call women after a date. You don't even ask if/when you can call. Groveling makes you appear desperate and is a huge turn off. If they are interested, they call you. Either way since you have no monetary investment in the woman, you don't care. Or shouldn't.



4) A lot of women today don't like to be pursued (one of the effects of women's lib) They like to do the pursuing. A needy desperate guy is not a challenge the way a bad boy is.



5) Don't date women from dating websites, especially not from free ones like PlentyOfFish. And if you do, never ever spend money on your date. A woman only has to look normal and not be unattractive in order to be highly sought after on POF (just look at the number of favorites she has), because there are lots of loser, unsocial , dateless guys out there messaging these women(not saying you are one). To be fair there are also an equal number of loser women (in fact most I would say) - no education, no job , never married single mother types. Especially in your age bracket (early 20s) most of these highly sought after women aren't looking for boyfriends, only to date and sleep with whoever they find attractive.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 7:56pm

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that but as I said before, I'm not too surprised given what she said to you about calling her after the holiday.


I hope you will consider the messenger with respect to what is stated in the previous post.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 8:05pm

Oh, Sonic, I was hoping it would work out. I'm sorry to hear this.

I hope this won't turn you off from dating and trying to meet women. The more experience you get, the easier it will become.

I doubt that there was something you said or did "wrong." You're just not her cup of tea. I read an interesting analogy recently. Pepper Schwartz was talking about people sometimes not being right for each other and said that it's like pineapple: she doesn't like pineapple herself, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the pineapple. (I hope this makes sense).

I don't know if you're trying other ways to meet besides online. If not, I would definitely do that, and not necessarily the bar scene, which can be brutal. Hobbies? Church? Professional organizations? Parties?

Now this just breaks my heart: "All I want is to find a companion, who will accept me for who I am, and give me love and support (something I don't even get from my own family.)" I'm a big believer in counseling, and I would encourage anyone who is struggling with something big or long-lasting to seek counseling. So much of our behaviors are directly influenced by the way we were raised, and I suspect from your statement that there could be some family of origin issues going on for you. A good therapist can really help you see patterns in your life and help you work through them. Just a thought.

Anyway, try not to take it too hard. I know it's disappointing...but I hope you'll try again.

All the best. --FG

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 10:06pm

Unfortunately, this happens to the best of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 1:29pm

I know it is cliche, but you cant get where your going without being here. You see the word next, or the frase "next them" used on this board. Well . . . "next" . .. LoL


People feel what they feel, cant change those things

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Fri, 12-28-2007 - 1:43pm

I agree with this post as well as the others posts here.


I would ask you to make a promise with yourself.

Soliel