newly single

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
newly single
1
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 5:52pm

Hello all. I am 21 years old and I am newly single. My boyfriend, who I'll call Nick, of 4 years (my high school sweetheart) dumped me a little over a month ago. I'm by no means completely over him....but I'm trying my best to move on. I'm in college and came home for Christmas break. During this time I started to talk to my previous ex, who I'll call James (the ex before Nick) and made out with him a few times...then I met this guy, who I'll call John. Although John is not actually my type per say, we got along really well and started to hang out. I of course was not looking for anything serious. I thought a Christmas break fling might help me get over my boyfriend....plus I had never had a "fling" before. Before Nick I had only dated James and one other guy and both were short lived.

I was sort of having flings with both James and John at the same time. Don't worry. I made it clear with both guys that I was not looking for anything serious and that I would be leaving soon and I had no idea when I was coming back. I made it clear neither were exclusive.

Well, with both guys (James and John) things at one point got sort of hot and heavy...and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I am not a virgin, but I've only slept with one guy, Nick....and we waited until we were two years into our relationship before we had sex. I chose not to have sex with either James or John...although I really wanted to at the time. I felt like I might regret it the next day, plus I'm not sure if I believe in casual sex. Is that weird? I'm afraid that thought might ward off guys. It's not to say I wouldn't have sex with a guy I really liked....but I'm not sure if it would be a second or even third date kind of event.

I would really appreciate any opinions on this, and any tips for a newly single girl trying to move on.

Thanks :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 01-10-2008 - 6:18pm

If you don't believe in casual sex, then that is your gut telling you that you are not comfortable w/casual sex. Some ppl are ok with it & that is their opinion and their choice. But like I tell anyone who is having casual sex to please use protection. If you do decide to have sex with one of them and then go off to college and may never see them again, you may have that emotional gap, if that makes sense. Like with me for example, I wouldn't feel comfortable in just having casual sex with a guy because of the emotional attachment I may feel. But that's just me & I'm just one of those kind who has sex w/a guy if I'm in a serious relationship w/them. That's just me & that's just how I am. I'm picky, I won't lie lol. And then of course I should be smacking myself for saying that due to an instance that happened back in October when an old bf came over (known each other for 15 years) and we wound up having sex. But we still talk to each other and all that jazz.

I'm sure that others will chime in as well, but that is my two cents worth. Keep us posted!

5yrssm