Effeminate Guys

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Effeminate Guys
9
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 11:40pm
I'm curious what everyone thinks. If a guy is sort of effeminate, do you automatically think he's gay? I went on a date with a guy who was fun and cute and nice, but there was definitely something a little feminine about him. Not over the top, flaming, but a little bit. Does that mean he's really gay? I know this is an ignorant question, and I'm not an ignorant person, but I still don't know how I feel about this issue. Usually, if someone seems a little effeminate, I don't bother with them. But I wonder if I'm passing up some good guys who aren't gay??
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 8:03am

You may be. When I first started working at my current job there was a guy that worked there that was quite effeminate and I thought he was gay (although I wouldn't probably tell him that) he had all female friends that he talked about, he never talked about male friends at all, it was strange. He didn't really befriend any of the men at work, just the women and didn't talk about sports or anything and just was very effeminate I thought for sure he was gay until he met his wife and fell head over heels for her and they got engaged within 5 months of meeting up (knew her in college) and married within a year and they had a baby and she's pregnant with her second and he's over the moon happy. So I read that book totally wrong.

However I will say if you aren't attracted to effeminate men I don't know that you can force that.

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Smile,

Deirdre

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 10:26am

Like LH said, you could be reading it wrong, but if you're not attracted you're just not attracted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 10:35am
He's not "over the top" effeminate. Otherwise I definitely wouldn't be attracted to him. I'm attracted, but I think I would always wonder if he's gay or not. I guess I could go out with him again and see how I feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 12:28pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 11:47am
You can go on a few more dates w/him if you want and just see where it goes. One of my exes is metro-sexual, but he hates being called that because he swears he is the opposite. He's not gay by any stretch of the means, he's just always been anal about how he dresses and his overall appearance. He's a good lookin' guy, but he is the one who stresses out if he has a hair out of place and I pick on him about that sometimes. Some guys are like that which can be a good quality I guess. But yet, I wouldn't want to date a guy when all he does is spend all his free time looking in the mirror lol. I think it'd be ok to hang out w/him a little more and just pick up on his vibes and just see what happens.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 11:50am

He's not "over the top" effeminate.


***


Pretty "general" stuff. Is it because he acts gay, or because he does not fart at dinner? LoL There is a lot of ground in-between those places. I talk on this board as I do, but mess with my daughter for example . . I am the wrong guy to have to far on

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 2:43pm

Just because he is married, doesnt mean he isnt gay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 4:51pm

I realize that just because men get married and have children they could be gay but he's not gay, he's so over the moon for his wife there is no denying how much he loves her he's gaga for her. He is so not in the closet I was so off on my first interpretation of him. I had just started working there and it was a snap judgment made on first impression of him of his effeminate ways.




Edited 1/21/2008 4:53 pm ET by lovinhockey17

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 5:49pm

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I am the last person to chastise someone for being unconventional. I like quirky, non-normal people, and that includes men too. I think if you get to a certain age and you're still dating, you've had some disappointments along the way, and you're less trusting. One of the many things one can be afraid of is "being tricked," whether it's someone who's still involved with someone else and isn't telling you, is attracted to men and isn't telling you, is in debt and isn't telling, etc. You get the idea. Maybe it speaks to my own trust issues that I worry about these things. I would like to think that if he were gay, he wouldn't be on a date with a woman, but who knows.

If he calls and asks for a 2nd date, I will go out with him again and get to know him more.