This Is Exactly Why!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
This Is Exactly Why!!
5
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 8:49pm

I have had it! I am truly sorry that every other day I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 10:40pm

WOAH! Brakes hun, BRAKES!!! Take a deep breath, inhale.....and exhale...., breathe honey breathe!

First of all, this ex that you talk about,...if you truly want to move past him and heal from him, stopping seeing him or when he calls you, don't answer. And if you have to put him on call block do it. But you are truly going to heal from him, as long as you remain in contact with him. It's like picking at a scan until it bleeds, and I'm afraid that is what you have done. Quit talking to him, no phone calls, no emails, nadda. The best way to heal and get past him is through no contact. It's the only way you are going to heal, is by no contact.

It's ok to come here and vent. Let it all out, scream out, holler it out. It's perfectly ok. We'd much rather have you come here and vent than to keep it all pent up inside of you. You aren't a bad person, but you have to love yourself before you can love anybody. Everyone heals differently and all you can do is take it one step at a time and be patient w/yourself.

As far as some of the family members who make you feel like no one wants to be around you, then perhaps it's time you distance yourself from those certain family members. I know it sounds hurtful and I'm not fussing at you at all, but sometimes, some family members may "think" they are trying to help, but in reality, it could be making the situation worse. I think sometimes our family doesn't realize that we are human, too. And we too, have feelings and emotions. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from toxic ppl as I call them. I've had to do it w/my own mother. I can only handle her in small doses and I've had to deal w/her abuse my whole life (long story on that one....).

I'm sure that others will chime in as well, but know you are always welcome to come and vent. That's what we are here for ;-)

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 7:37pm

They know exactly what they are doing, when they do this. When they discourage me from what I really want to do with my life, who I want to be with,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-02-2008 - 8:30pm

Hugs, sweetie. I am currently in a place where I am feuding with both my sister and my mom, and to top it off, my best friend. I broke up with my BF in December after a lot of back and forth and I get what you mean about it being difficult to break away- particularly when your other relationships are strained and you are lacking the emotional support you need.


Fortunately, I have others to lean on and I'm digging deep internally, but it IS hard. I have chosen for the time being to just not associate with those who are hurting me now. I don't intend for it to be forever, but for now, I need to focus on me and my interactions with them just were not helping me to feel good about myself and move forward. Perhaps you need a break from all of them. I know it's not easy, and you may think that will make you even more lonely. In some ways, yes, but being alone and healthy is better than being dragged down by the toxicity of certain company. So, think about freeing yourself- atleast until you are in a better position to handle them without harming you.


To avoid being lonely, perhaps you can look into volunteer work, joining a group, or even just getting out of the house amongst people (reading out in a coffee shop or heading to the mall or the library or anywhere people are around). I find it helps to get up on the weekends, get myself looking cute, and just go somewhere. Otherwise, I have a tendency to become a hermit and the lonliness permeates. I LIKE my alone time when I don't have TOO much, you know?


Anyway, good luck to you. I know it's hard.


Hugs,


Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 2:19pm
I'm with cl-wishful. Cut 'em off. Put on your Doc Maartens & kick the ex to the curb. With any luck, he'll get stuck in a sewer grate.

I keep a chainsaw handy and I've had to use it this year to do some pruning of my family tree. Let me know if you need to borrow it to cut off those toxic branches. I did some grafting of friends and family members of friends, and right now that tree is loaded with tape and growing nicely. :-)

As for your sister, I hope your godmother knocked her out. Talkin' about her goddaughter like that. I see no sisterly love there... what I do see is someone who will need you when she gets old.

ETA: Friends are the family God forgot to give you.


summer 2010 sig by Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 7:55pm

You definitely need to start no contact with your ex. You're never going to get over him if you still spend time with him, talk on the phone, etc. I've tried being friends with exes before, and it just doesn't work.
And, until you're completely over him you're never going to be able to see the potential in another guy that may be right for you. You don't want to miss out on someone REALLY great, right?

It might be harder to cut off your family, but I think you should also take some distance from them. Get out there and try to meet some new people and make some new friends. Hanging out at a coffee shop or joining some kind of club is a good start. If you're busy in other areas of your life, especially if you're making new friends, you won't have as much time to focus on all the negative/toxic people in your life.

Sorry... and good luck.