Bad Choices

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
Bad Choices
3
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 8:43am

Hi there, I have a situation that I'm hoping to get some objective advice on. First, a little about me, I am 31 and I've been divorced for almost 3 years. I have two small children, and I share custody with my exhusband, which leaves me plenty of time to be single, sometimes that's not a good thing. LOL. I've had a difficult time adjusting to being single again after being with the same man since high school. My ex was very controlling and emotionally abusive, as well, so much healing has taken place in those 3 years.


About 7 years ago, when I was still married, my xh introduced me to his friend, S. S and I had an immediate attraction to each other, but it was an unspoken thing and we never acted on it. So as soon as I separated from my ex, like within a few days, I contacted S, who was no longer friends with my ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
In reply to: jilliansway
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 9:42am

"But I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me that he can't be with me. I mean he is in a long term relationship, and I've known him to have been in others through the years"

From your post it doesn't seem like anything is wrong with YOU that he can't be with you. But, it does sound like he really can't be in a healthy relationship with anyone. I know you said he's in a long term relationship, but do you think his girlfriend would be happy if she knew that he was out there telling other women (i.e., YOU) that it was not a good relationship, they are having problems and it wasn't going to last?? Let alone him doing whatever physical stuff he did with you the other night... who knows how many other women he's done to this over the past year while he supposedly was 'in a long-term relationship.'

Even if you could somehow 'date' him, do you really want to be in the shoes of the girlfriend knowing that this guy is not at all loyal to the person he is with? Heck, he's not even loyal to his guy friends if he is no longer friends with your ex because of the apparent attraction between you two... not sure what part you played in that, however.

Anyway, you're right that this guy sounds like an arrogant jerk. He'll just string you along and possibly be willing for a booty call, but I seriously doubt it would ever be anything more.

Let him go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: jilliansway
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 10:33am

Hey there Jilly and welcome to the board hun. I totally agree w/bubba on this. It's not you hun, it's HIM. There is nothing wrong w/you at all, he is the one with the problem. He just doesn't seem relationship worthy in my opinion. If he is telling you he is having problems w/his current gf, who knows how many other women he has said this to as well. It seems to me he only contacts you at his convenience. And you also don't tell a woman how much you like her one minute and the next minute say it won't ever work out, blah, blah, blah. That alone can confuse a person. I just don't think he is right for you and I'm not saying that to be harsh. I just don't want you to get sucked back in again and get hurt. I too was in an abusive relationship about four or five years ago and it's refreshing getting attention from another man after you have left your abusive ex. But,....you need to allow yourself time to heal and not jump the gun so quickly. But I still think you need to distance yourself from this guy. He doesn't sound like he is the healthy relationship type.

I think you should just distance yourself from him and don't like at his myspace page anymore, it's like picking at a scab until it bleeds. You deserve a lot better.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2008
In reply to: jilliansway
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 11:25am

Thanks you guys! You are so right!


The irritating this is that the song "Jesse's Girl" was a big joke (by joke, I mean sarcastic, not funny ha-ha)