immediate attraction?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2008
immediate attraction?
6
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 2:27pm

OK so I met a guy.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 02-17-2008 - 10:01pm

You know, this is a tough one. In general, I would say that you need to feel attraction fairly early on...like within 3 or 4 dates. But I'm sure there are plenty of relationships that started out slow, so I wouldn't rule it out. I think sometimes we try too hard to make something out of a less than ideal match simply because on paper they seem "right," and we worry that this might be the last chance we have.

I had a rather over the top boyfriend for about three years (lots of drama, but tons of attraction). After we broke up, I became involved with the man who became my husband of four years. He was very different than my previous boyfriend (read: more responsible) but ultimately, we really just didn't have enough in common, not to mention the fact that he wasn't very attracted to me (I know, what was I thinking?). I then went through a very painful divorce.

Ironically, I'm faced with a similar situation right now. There is a man who seems to be interested in me, but I never considered him before because I thought he was married. I was quite taken aback when he hinted at a lunch date. Off hand, I'd say he's not exactly my type, even though we are in the same profession. But, having not been on a date in quite some time, I'm willing to see where this might go. But I really don't want to force this to work: I want it to unfold in it's own time and its own way.

Perhaps you haven't had time to heal from your broken engagement and faithless fiance. I see no harm in seeing where this new situation might go, but I'd say pay attention.

And I think it's kind of healthy to be scared: there's a lot at stake, and it hasn't really been that long.

Good luck with it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 12:13am

I agree w/flgirl on this. Take time to heal from your past relationship. However, everyone is different. Some ppl may feel that instant attraction at first, and some may not. Sometimes, and this is me personally speaking from my own experience, it takes me a few dates before I know I'm attracted to a guy. And I don't mean just the physical attraction, also what's inside counts, too. I like to be attracted to a guy more on a mental level as opposed to the physical. But that is just me and as I said, we are all different.

But all in all, take your time to test the waters and just see where it goes and what pans out. If anything, you have a new friend, don't rush it, and just take it slow.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2008
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 11:30pm
This helped alot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 2:19pm

 Z

Avatar for sweetanima
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Tue, 02-26-2008 - 10:55pm

So you are not instantly attracted to this new guy?
Well, IMO instant attraction is a matter of personal priorities on what we are looking for in a partner. For some it is important, for others it's not. Can you remember how this new guy smelled like? Did you like his scent or was it neutral or even repulsing you ?
I ask because physically spoken or in terms of biopsychology a woman might be more attracted to a guy when he smells very good since a good smell might be an indicator for a matching immune system, a subconscious process. And that is why we often might not be able to explain why we were instantly drawn to someone with all those butterflies and trembling knees.

Maybe you are simply not that physically attracted to this guy. Then it's up to your conscious decision if you still like to try out a relaxed and slower growing process of emotional bonding with this man. This chemistry thing out of my view has less to do how old or mature you are, some prefer fireworks right from the start and some are very happy with a steady glowing candle.Both approaches can lead to a healthy and "adult" committment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Wed, 02-27-2008 - 7:55pm

Being just out of a relationship, you maybe unconsiously not feeling this guy or any guy right now. I would advise you to take your time. If after a couple of dates the spark isnt' there, let him go. Don't try to force something because you are single. We are all different. Me, I am very visual. If I am not attracted physically to him, that's it for me. My family has just now got "it" that I don't date what I consider ugly men. I am not attracted to them and there is no sense in lying and pretending that I am. It wouldn't be fair. Once we get beyond the physical, we can move on.


Just my ways. Good luck to you!


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