Guys asking me about my hot friend..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Guys asking me about my hot friend..
6
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 1:27am

Wow, I haven't written on this board in a while. But something happened to me that was irritating, and I wanted to talk to someone about it. I feel stupid talking to people I know about it...

So today I was eating lunch with a female friend, but she had to leave early to get some work done. There were some guys sitting a few tables away from us and after she left, one of them got up and ran out of the room. His friends at the table called to me trying to get my attention. Then one of them talked to me and asked what my friend's name was and if she was single. He said that the guy that ran out of the room was running after her to get her number. His friend asked me if I thought his friend had a chance, and I just said, I don't know, I don't know your friend.. Then he went back to talking to his friends.

This really peeved me to no end- much more than I expected it would. These guys did not ask me anything about myself, they did not even ask me my name! They just talked about my friend.. Granted, I understand because she's stunning, but it certainly was a punch to my esteem. I have never had a guy run after me and ask for my number. And obviously, I was only any good to those guys to ask about my hot friend. I think I have lots of good qualities, but I'm not what I would consider beautiful, I'm just normal. I'm somewhat plain. I don't think I'm ugly, but I obviously don't attract any noteworthy attention. I don't think about it much from day to day, but sometimes it rears its ugly head and I start wondering how attractive I am to guys. Guys seem to be so specific about what is attractive. They are very much about looks, and if you don't have it, they pass you over and never discover your good qualities. Guys are so much about looks and it's so annoying!

I never really have much of a problem with being plain in the looks department because I know all my other good qualities, and those qualities are of great value. But it's when things like this happen to me that I just wish guys were more inclusive with their idea of what is beautiful and worthy in women so that I could be seen.

Any thoughts? How should us plainer women deal with these situations in our own heads?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 6:14am

Well, I'd just stop hanging out with that friend, LOL.

All kidding aside, I can relate. I'm not stunning, but I'm certainly not ugly and on some occassions I think I look pretty hot.

A few years ago, I met a woman, a former model, and we ended up doing some things socially together. EVERYWHERE we went, men were just drooling over her. If any of them had to pick me out of a police line up, they wouldn't have been able to do it. It was like I was not there. After they gave me a perfunctory "Hello," it was all attention on her. I've NEVER experienced this sort of awe from men. It was so intresting to stand beside this woman and see these men, close up, just jumping through every kind of hoop to impress her. It was a real learning experience for me.

I don't know if I can say that men are more attracted to looks than women are. In the end, a man may want to be with a beautiful woman, but many of them cannot get one. It's just a fantasy, kind of like women dreaming about Brad Pitt. I know I'm not typically attracted to the best looking man in the room. Wit, charm and intelligence kind of do it for me. I also think women are much harder on themselves in the looks department, underestimating their looks while men tend to overestimate their looks. Perhaps you're not all that plain. Even if you are, in the end, there are plenty of men who would want you.

As it turns out, this friend was really an airhead and I became bored with her company as well as tired of the little fan club that followed her around when we'd do things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 1:42pm

I had a friend in the service that the girls always swooned over. Two girls we met at a bar one night got in a fight over who got "him". (-:

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 2:34pm
I want to make clear about my friend: She is absolutely gorgeous, but she is actually a wonderful person, very intelligent and fun to be around. I am not in any way angry with her for being who she is because I appreciate her too and am lucky to have her in my life. I AM angry with those guys though. I'm sure they had no idea what they were doing, but it really did hurt my feelings. The fact that my feelings were hurt made me angry, because it really takes a lot to upset me. Normally guys just ignore me and I ignore those guys right back, but this incident was a distinct judgment call of me. I just feel like guys' idea of beauty is so exclusive of the majority of women that I don't know how us normal women can rise above it. It seems to me like the only way that men would be interested in plain-looking women is if they wanted easy sex and were rejected by the beauties.. It seems like you would have to be outrageously beautiful or an easy whore to get any attention from them. I am neither of those things. I don't know if it's guys in their 20s, or if it gets better as they age. I've heard men don't change as they age, and I've heard that they do. I have no clue what is true. The only thing I know to do is to keep living my own life. I cannot fix things that are out of my control- I cannot replace my body with another, and I don't want to. I just wish men were more inclusive with their idea of beauty and worth in women so that those women with great qualities can be discovered, even if they are plain.


Edited 3/6/2008 2:36 pm ET by brittiemonster
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 10:27pm

I sometimes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 2:33pm

<<>


Oh *blush* you flatter me B. oh oops you weren't talking to me. HAHA!


Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 3:34pm

if they weren't classy enough to remotely be polite enough to at least ask your name


****


exactly.

"Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems."



"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.