excited about it and I just kept thinking, so what, when I'm 80 and need to go to nursing home my "great career" isn't going to come visit me.
****
Hmmm . .. compare yourself in a few more years to the divorced women your own age who walked away from school and work, had kids with a loser and now struggles to pay rent and eat and has ten more years of poverty before her kids are 18.
27 . .that is the honey moon years . .young, beautiful, the marriage starts with "grown up sex" every day . .LoL Then real life hits, kids come, the money gets short, the pressure starts . . . your married friends will look at the person next to them and ask what they ever saw in them to begin with
"Where exactly are the single men? I seriously believe they do not exist over the age of 27. 27 is the cut off, by that time everyone is paired up and I feel like I'm the person who didn't get picked for a team in gym class."
Just be glad you aren't 53. You could be me.
I divorced when I was 34 (married at 29). I have not had a significant relationship since, and it's increasingly difficult to find available friends with things in common. I'm not a big joiner... a lot of the things I like to do don't have clubs to join, so it's been an uphill climb. But I did have more available friends until about 4 years ago.
Anyway, I've read that it takes about a year in a new city to really make friends. But, what do you do in the meantime, right?
It is discouraging, and yes, you can't wallow in it all the time, but it's very OK to have a good wallow now and then. I've done it all to meet men: match.com (currently doing that with NO success), personal ads, singles events, professional events, art events, music events, asking friends to set me up, going to wine tastings, to charity events, traveling on a singles tour, vacationing at Club Med in Mexico. I'm tired, ya know? Even rats need a reward to keep going through that maze. And this weekend I have absolutely no plans with anyone. There really isn't anyone to call, and I think that's sad.
OK, maybe this isn't helping. 27 sounds so incredibly young to me. If only I had NOT married the man I did, I like to think that the right one would have come along. All you can do is to keep trying. I wouldn't particularly focus on singles type events. I've found them to be 80% women, but you never know. I think most people still meet through work. But I hear of people who meet through match.com, so you might want to give that a try. Just have a very thick skin.
I turned 30 two years ago and I remember feeling the way you're feeling at that time, except I was actually in a relationship with someone not interested in any sort of commitment, and I have to tell you, that only made me feel even worse than I would have felt if I were single, because I did have the boyfriend but I wasn't getting married any time soon. I've been single for a while now, but after getting over that 30 hump, I realized that yes, a lot of my friends are married, but some are pretty unhappy. I've already heard of a few divorces with small kids in the middle, people getting divorced and having to move back in with their parents and be a kid all over again. I have friends who've married guys I'd never even go within ten feet of let alone marry (and as far as I'm concerned these girls married these men just for the sake of getting married and probably out of fear of never finding anyone better). So, I don't know, is everyone with a ring really better off than us? I think there are more who are unhappy or "sort of" happy with their situations than there are those who are genuinely happy and with the right person. I used to admire the marriage of a friend of mine who's getting divorced. I thought they were so happy, a great couple, really loving. Well, not so much apparently.
I've asked myself the question "what's wrong with me?" that i didn't get "picked." I love the comparison to picking teams in gym class. It really seems to fit, especially in my case since I was never to athletic girl and usually got picked last. There's such good dark humor in that... Some things never change... ;-) But, then again, I think there is a reason why I'm not picked-- because I myself am picky. Six years ago I could have easily been married to this guy who was ready to settle down with me within a few months of dating. He wanted a wife and house ASAP. I mean, he was a nice guy, had a very good stable job, a good family, he was introducing me to his friends and all... but there was a problem. Well, there were several problems. I found him boring, impatient, no real sex drive, he kept a very filthy home and to top it all off, unwilling to correct any of this... so I mean, I could easily have settled... he would have been a good husband, in general... but I couldn't see accepting the downsides. I'm sure some girl by now has, though.
So while I am looking and I am trying to be more positive about my future, I've learned to take a daily assessment of what I do have-- a caring family, some really terrific single girlfriends, good health (which gets underestimated so much IMO), plans to travel all over the world (and yes, in some cases alone but last year I took a trip by myself with a tour group and I met some great people and had a better time than I did when I traveled with friends, I have to admit). I think you just have to focus on living your life to the best of your ability, single or not.
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excited about it and I just kept thinking, so what, when I'm 80 and need to go to nursing home my "great career" isn't going to come visit me.
****
Hmmm . .. compare yourself in a few more years to the divorced women your own age who walked away from school and work, had kids with a loser and now struggles to pay rent and eat and has ten more years of poverty before her kids are 18.
27 . .that is the honey moon years . .young, beautiful, the marriage starts with "grown up sex" every day . .LoL Then real life hits, kids come, the money gets short, the pressure starts . . . your married friends will look at the person next to them and ask what they ever saw in them to begin with
Thank you.
I know boredom and loneliness (you didn't say this, but for me, they often go together) are very uncomfortable.
Oh and by the by if my 'great career' paid a little better maybe it wouldn't feel so bad if I could buy somethings for myself.
"Where exactly are the single men? I seriously believe they do not exist over the age of 27. 27 is the cut off, by that time everyone is paired up and I feel like I'm the person who didn't get picked for a team in gym class."
Just be glad you aren't 53. You could be me.
I divorced when I was 34 (married at 29). I have not had a significant relationship since, and it's increasingly difficult to find available friends with things in common. I'm not a big joiner... a lot of the things I like to do don't have clubs to join, so it's been an uphill climb. But I did have more available friends until about 4 years ago.
Anyway, I've read that it takes about a year in a new city to really make friends. But, what do you do in the meantime, right?
It is discouraging, and yes, you can't wallow in it all the time, but it's very OK to have a good wallow now and then. I've done it all to meet men: match.com (currently doing that with NO success), personal ads, singles events, professional events, art events, music events, asking friends to set me up, going to wine tastings, to charity events, traveling on a singles tour, vacationing at Club Med in Mexico. I'm tired, ya know? Even rats need a reward to keep going through that maze. And this weekend I have absolutely no plans with anyone. There really isn't anyone to call, and I think that's sad.
OK, maybe this isn't helping. 27 sounds so incredibly young to me. If only I had NOT married the man I did, I like to think that the right one would have come along. All you can do is to keep trying. I wouldn't particularly focus on singles type events. I've found them to be 80% women, but you never know. I think most people still meet through work. But I hear of people who meet through match.com, so you might want to give that a try. Just have a very thick skin.
I wish you all the best.
I turned 30 two years ago and I remember feeling the way you're feeling at that time, except I was actually in a relationship with someone not interested in any sort of commitment, and I have to tell you, that only made me feel even worse than I would have felt if I were single, because I did have the boyfriend but I wasn't getting married any time soon. I've been single for a while now, but after getting over that 30 hump, I realized that yes, a lot of my friends are married, but some are pretty unhappy. I've already heard of a few divorces with small kids in the middle, people getting divorced and having to move back in with their parents and be a kid all over again. I have friends who've married guys I'd never even go within ten feet of let alone marry (and as far as I'm concerned these girls married these men just for the sake of getting married and probably out of fear of never finding anyone better). So, I don't know, is everyone with a ring really better off than us? I think there are more who are unhappy or "sort of" happy with their situations than there are those who are genuinely happy and with the right person. I used to admire the marriage of a friend of mine who's getting divorced. I thought they were so happy, a great couple, really loving. Well, not so much apparently.
I've asked myself the question "what's wrong with me?" that i didn't get "picked." I love the comparison to picking teams in gym class. It really seems to fit, especially in my case since I was never to athletic girl and usually got picked last. There's such good dark humor in that... Some things never change... ;-) But, then again, I think there is a reason why I'm not picked-- because I myself am picky. Six years ago I could have easily been married to this guy who was ready to settle down with me within a few months of dating. He wanted a wife and house ASAP. I mean, he was a nice guy, had a very good stable job, a good family, he was introducing me to his friends and all... but there was a problem. Well, there were several problems. I found him boring, impatient, no real sex drive, he kept a very filthy home and to top it all off, unwilling to correct any of this... so I mean, I could easily have settled... he would have been a good husband, in general... but I couldn't see accepting the downsides. I'm sure some girl by now has, though.
So while I am looking and I am trying to be more positive about my future, I've learned to take a daily assessment of what I do have-- a caring family, some really terrific single girlfriends, good health (which gets underestimated so much IMO), plans to travel all over the world (and yes, in some cases alone but last year I took a trip by myself with a tour group and I met some great people and had a better time than I did when I traveled with friends, I have to admit). I think you just have to focus on living your life to the best of your ability, single or not.
You know what it comes down to it for me?
Thank you everyone for your messages.
Hi sun14,
I just read your posting and can relate to you 100%.
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