I think I figured out my problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2007
I think I figured out my problem.
4
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 11:38pm

I think I'm just venting. Maybe seeking insight. I've been single for 2 years! Before that, I was in a relationship with "the one" for 5 years. By the way, I'm 24. I've dated a lot on the internet, trying to find someone to love. However, I guess I've considered myself very picky and have not given many guys much of a chance. I think I finally realized why I'm not giving anyone a chance! I'm in love with my best guy friend! He knows I like him and we've already discussed how very sexually attracted we are to each other. He even mentioned that he almost made a move on me the other night and I replied (by email) that I'm glad he didn't because at our current situation, I'd probably be very hurt if we became friends with benefits. He was very thankful for the honesty and we've hung out and talked a few times since then. That is when I began to realize that I compare every guy I date to him. I think about him all the time and he makes me laugh so much.

In fact, I met this guy that I really hit it off with and he kept wanting to see me everyday and that really turned me off. I became very introspective and wondered why I get so defensive every time a guy shows lots of interest in me. It's because I'm saving myself for my friend! We have been friends for two years! I don't know if this was stupid and impulsive, but I sent him an email saying I can't be friends with him anymore because I'm just way too hung up on him and it is distracting me from being happy since he doesn't want a relationship right now. He hasn't responded.

P.S. I think single women are the smartest because we don't settle for jerks just so that we can say we have a boyfriend. We wait for the right one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 5:38pm

"I think single women are the smartest because we don't settle for jerks just so that we can say we have a boyfriend. We wait for the right one."


ITA. But it can be a long road - reminds me of Bridget Jones - if you've read the book, the scene where she first hooks up with Daniel but he says that its "just a bit of fun" and she tells him to shove it. She goes home and writes that "I may have been right, but my reward, I know, will be to end up all alone, half-eaten by an Alastian."


I'm not willing to take whatever guy offers just to be part of a couple, but after three people in one night ask why are you still single?, the urge to run screaming down the street is very high!


Do you think you and your guy friend to evolve into a couple or he is just into FWB? It can be a minefield, but at least you know that a good friend has already seen you at your best and worst.

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2007
Sat, 03-15-2008 - 8:23pm

I don't know if we could ever evolve into something. I don't want to wait anymore. I'm afraid that if he starts dating someone else then I'll be heartbroken. I love Bridget Jone's Diary!

I know how you feel about people asking why you're still single! And they always say it as if THEY'RE the first person to ask you that. Haha.

Good luck to everyone in finding the right one. I was feeling kind of down and lonely last night and then I decided to visit the "Betrayed Spouses" and "Betrayed Girlfriends" message boards. It made me remember that just because someone isn't single, doesn't mean they're super happy!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 12:00pm

I was going to ask you why you two aren't dating, but you answered that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 1:53pm

Good for you for recognizing this and setting the boundary - even though I am sure it's really tough for you!These situations are so sticky, and it sounds like you guys communicated openly, which is half the battle.