How soon is TOO soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
How soon is TOO soon?
2
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 5:18pm
I am in the process of getting a divorce. I am just wondering how long are you supposed to wait before dating? Just so you guys have some background, my soon to be ex is the only man I dated/been with EVER! The divorce is amicable, we both agree we need to go out seperate ways, however I don't want to seem too eager or make it seem like I didn't care about him at all. Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 10:43am

are you asking legally? etiquettely?? lol


I think that its a good idea to wait for one year after the divorce is final before you get into a serious relationship, altho there are people who haven't and they are fine. the reason to wait is because no matter how "amicable" it was - there is still some emotional processing that you need to do. there is a fear sometimes that because people are so anxious to get back into a relationship, that they *fall in love* very quickly - and those new relationships (rebound relationships) are usually unhealthy.


this doesn't mean you shouldn't get out there, meet people, date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 1:04pm

"I don't want to seem too eager or make it seem like I didn't care about him"

You are still thinking like a married woman, you appear to care about HIS feelings. You need some time to get your brain and heart both treading the new path, the path where everything is about YOU, not HIM. It's true that some people who leap too quickly may find themselves thinking, acting and loving as if they are in a marriage with their new dates. Although your head knows that dating is a whole different ballgame and the you have to be wary and protect yourself, your heart may still be in the habit of opening itself completely and giving all. Not good, not with strangers. Take your time.

When we are still in the divorce, it's normal to look ahead and wonder about dating again someday. What will it be like? When should I begin?

But if you concentrate on taking care of the business at hand, and then concentrate for awhile on YOU and starting our new life, pursuing your new interests... you may find that you don't really care to throw yourself out into the arena right away. Just enjoying the peace and enjoying yourself is so... enjoyable!!