possible seperation/divorce
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possible seperation/divorce
| Tue, 02-01-2005 - 12:26pm |
Hi, just need advice. My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years and have 1 child that's 2. She also has a 14 yr old that lives with us full time. Things have been rough, and now she wants to seperate. Says she has no feelings left anymore for me. I'm going to counseling to help resolve my issues, but not sure how to try and get the feelings back. Don't want to seperate or divorce for many reasons. Family, support, etc. ANy advice on how to rekindle the lost feelings?

I cannot know whether it will be possible, but I can give you one person's opinion on the place to begin. You mention that there have been some big problems, and this can cause us to lose faith that our spouse still is the person that we feel in love with. Without a solid foundation of trust, love cannot flourish, and during the marital troubles, the trust is destroyed.
I think step one is to rebuild that trust. To find ways to demonstrate (with more than just words) that you intend to behave like a man that she could love. Then if you can both be good to each other, both find ways to forgive (though you will never forget), there may be a chance. Kids are a great reason to try your very best.
I kept thinking about something that I was reminded of just yesterday as I read your post.
"love isn't something that we say, it's something that we do"
Those "feelings" take REGULAR maintenance, input and commitment to stay fresh... you know, like the things that BOTH people do when a relationship is new.... then, BOTH people have the tendency to slack off down the road and expect things to "feel" the same way... but what did you "do" to make sure that they did?
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~