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| Tue, 02-01-2005 - 3:36pm |
Hi everyone! I am new to this board, but not ivillage. I was a regular poster on the preemie board and pumping boards. I have not been online in a while though.
X and I seperated in June 2004 after several really bad months. We were married for 5 years and dated for 6 years before that. We have 2 boys, ages 3 years and 17 months. He put me through a living h*!! before I finally left and things still aren't resolved. Here's my story.
Our first son was a preeemie, born 12 weeks early. He is fine now. My second pregnancy was hard, I had a cerclage and was on modified bed rest for most of the pregnancy. He was born 5 weeks early but had no hospital stay. He had reflux and was a very fussy baby. In November 2003, H stayed out at a bar one night til 1am. I wouldn't have minded so much except that he had been calling every 2 hours since 5pm to say he was on the way home. He came home and accused me of having Munchausen's by proxy, said specifically that he thought I was "like that lady from Texas" and he was afraid I was going to drown our children. I told him he was drunk and just trying to turn the tables on me because he knew I was mad. Told him if he really thought that he would be home every chance he got, not staying out late at bars. Things kinda blew over and we made it throught the holidays. In January, my father had a stroke and passed away. Immediately things went downhill. X started accusing me of abusing our oldest child (2 at the time), and telling my friends and family (his included) that I was mentally ill and having numerous affairs. I began seeing a marriage counsler by myself, although he eventually started going too. I went through months of h*!! trying to figure out what to do. He always threatened me, saying he would get custody of our boys if I left. I started talking to a lawyer in May, and began remodeling my mobile home that had been rented, just in case I had to leave. He began showing signs of mental instability with alot of paranoia. His parents were and are very supportive of me. His mom tried to talk to him on more than one occasion and could see the craziness in his thinking. He once told her how angry he was at her and his dad for taking him out of school in 2nd grade to go on vacation in October because all of his friends were mad at him when he got back. Just weird things like that, he never ever forgets. Anyway, he started accusing me of having affairs with 3 different men, 1 that I worked with and had taken home from work a few times, 1 who is a high man of regard in our community and I don't know who the third one was because x couldn't remember either. He went as far as to have a DNA test run on our youngest son, making sure to leave the order info on the computer where I would find it. He told so many lies about what he told who I got tired of trying to sort it all out. I was monitoring his computer conversations, he told a mutual friend that he "sent jd packing". JD being a girl I think he was seeing that he worked with. When I confronted him he said he only told our friend that he was seeing JD because she (our friend) wanted to have an affair with him. I told him if he didn't want to have an affair with our friend the fact that he was married should have been enough, he didn't need to tell her he was already having an affair, but that wasn't even what he told her, that he told her he broke up with JD. The lies were like that. I came home from work one Saturday and our oldest son had a bruise. I asked what happened and he said he hit him with a hammer. His mom later told me he had wrecked his big wheel. On and on until the day in June when he came running downstairs from a nap screaming about what I put in our oldest son's sippy cup that he had taken a drink of. Kept saying he was dying. In the middle of this he called 911 and hung up on them. I answered when they called back, he picked up and said everything was ok. He said he thought I tried to kill him by putting poison in the sippy cup. I left that weekend.
I was very hesitant about him seeing the children because of the way he had been acting. It was awhile before I let him have them overnight. We have been to court almost every month since we seperated and he either postpones the case, or says he will sign papers that he never does. He is on his second lawyer. We have been through mediation for assets/debts and custody, worked out papers and he has signed neither. We are following the custody papers even though they aren't signed. He has the boys on Wed and Thur nights, when I work and every other Sat. My mom is their babysitter although he would love to put our oldest in daycare. We are supposed to go back Feb. 14 and my fingers are crossed that something will be finalized. He has went as far as to file a suit wanting full custody, saying that I am an unfit mother. His reasons are so off the wall it is funny. #1 reason was that I refuse to hold a steady job--I have worked at the same place for 14.5 years. The only time I have been out of work was during pregnancy or after the babies were born, and I went back 3 weeks after having both of them. The bottom line is that he doesn't want to pay child support. He makes alot of money (but cannot manage it), while I work part time in a restaurant. He has been forced by the courts to pay in the last few months but since then he has not been paying the credit card bills. We were very heavily in debt when we seperated, I took half of the credit cards and left him with half. I also took the car that has a payment. My moblie home is paid for, but I do have a payment on the land. He has the house (and payment) and the truck that is paid for. In the first 4 months after I left that he did not pay child support I got even farther in debt because all I had to live on was the credit cards. Anyway, except for him not making payments, my financial situation is better, or at least holding its own.
Anyway, thats my story. I am glad to have found this board, I know the preemie board was a life saver when my first was born and I am looking forward to meeting everyone here. Btw, I was dating someone for about 2 months, but he decided we should cool it until I got things settled. Although I know he is right, he was the first thing I had done for me in about a year and I am bummed about that. And trying to decide if he is just dumping me and being nice about it or really being truthfull. Trust in men isn't something I have alot of these days. But he's another post later. I'll end now, TIA for all replies.
K

Hello and Welcome. (sorry it took me so long to say hello!)
It really sounds like you've been through the mill here... and I'm glad that you have the support of his family.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~