STBX will have a roomate...visitation ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
STBX will have a roomate...visitation ?
6
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 7:40am

My STBX is moving in with a male friend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 8:12am

Quite frankly, it will only be an issue if you, maureenmommy, make it one. (And your kids will pick up on your unease!)

If the kids cannot see their dad on a frequent and regular basis, your kids will be harmed in the long run. (I caveat this with the usual he's not a drug addict, booze hound et al)

What counts is that the place is clean, the kids have actual beds, they keep to a normal routine (healthy nutritional meals on time, maintain the same sleep schedule, homework gets done, they get to school).

Beyond that, I'd graciously withdraw because anything else will turn into an antagonistic pissing contest, and that will turn into a bitter and very very expensive court battle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 11:20am

I don't see an issue with this UNLESS THESE GUYS DON'T KNOW WHAT APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR IS.


I think it's GREAT for kids to be around good, positive adult role models.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 12:07pm
I agree,I think as long as you and STBX sit down and go over the details on what you feel is and isn't appropriate, things should be just fine. Communication here is the key. Also, keep in mind, this is a hard adjustment no matter what his living situation is to be. Hang in there! It'll work out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-04-2005 - 12:24pm

Speaking very generally, I think the Courts would trust a parent (Stbx) to watch out for the best interests of the kids while they are visiting the new bachelor pad. To a certain extent, you will need to do this. He will learn as he goes along. Learn to hide the porn on Fridays (just kidding, LOL), learn techniques for handling squirrely kids in a small apartment, learn just how much mayhem his roommate can bear. And you will learn to enjoy the break from being The Mom for a short while.

It is good that he is the kind of person to talk to you about this. It is also good for some children to have a gradual transition period, starting with visits and moving up to sleepovers (everyone is different). If spending time with Dad (and giving Mom a break) are in your children's best interests, then I am sure you will do your best to encourage the kids to enjoy the visitations. Heck, I'd even buy my Ex a kid-bed if he would just see more of his DD! But the world revolves around his pleasures, you know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 8:08am
I took the kids to the apartment b/c DD has been desperate to see it every since we told her Daddy was moving out.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 9:21am

It's good you can agree on whether to have overnight visits - you can't go wrong if the two of you are on the same page. And it also makes sense that the children need beds, but it is possible to be creative to make it work. My bf has tight quarters, and he got a bunk bed for his son where there is a twin mattress up top and my bf's queen sized mattress fits underneath. My x-SIL had a couple years where all she could afford after the divorce was a 2-bedroom apartment and her boy and girl had to share a room.

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