One Day at a Time
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One Day at a Time
| Wed, 02-02-2005 - 2:20pm |
I know I need to let go. But I just don't get how they can have no feelings, nothing. How one day they can call and communicate w/you and the next you hear nothing for days. I'm taking this one day at a time, but I have to admit that it really gets me down some days. How can someone just walk away and leave their family and not even bat an eye w/regards into how they are. He does not even call anymore to even check on his son. But yet I am suppose to let him take him every other wknd. How are we suppose to get along w/no communication? He just takes my son and gives him back like he were an object or something. He doesnt say what they did, how he was, my gosh he is only 2 and cannot really speak for himself yet. Am I wrong for even caring, and if so how do I move on from caring to going on w/my life. How do I get to the point where this does not infuriate me anymore?

Keep your eyes on the goal for you. You set the nuances of that goal, but basically it is: that what Stbx does, thinks or feels is no longer any of your business or concern.
It's a HUGE shift, going from being married, to living seperate lives, nearly strangers in most ways. Again, the nuances will be up to you two. Many parents, after an initial adjustment period with minimal contact, will start to grow into their new skin and feel more comfortable doing a little chit chat re: the activities and best interests of the child. If Stbx is being a blank brick wall right now, it may be what he needs to do to acheive the disentanglement of lives and hearts. But it doesn't mean he will always be so coldly uncommunicative. Give yourself time. Keep telling yourself, "he's a caring Dad and I trust him, so I DON'T have to know all the details of what he did with son this weekend. (Unless a bone was broken...) I don't need to know if Stbx is well. He doesn't need to know if I am reading a great new book." Good luck.
Very well said rosemile! Melrose 02, just keep telling yourself that what he does really is none of your business and vice-versa. Take solice in that. As long as your DS is taken care of, why would you care what EH is doing?
As hard as it is, I enjoy having my freedom. I DO NOT tell him anything that is going on with me (although, I think he has a P.I. following me). I know that I am not doing anything that would jeopardize my being the "best parent" nor will I lose my DD. Her life is still in both of our hands no matter what happened in the marriage.
You deserve the space and the time to get "in touch" with...well, YOU! This is your time to disengage from the marriage and break free...Sometimes I wonder, if it wouldn't have been better getting an anonymous sperm donor...LOL! Just Kidding! Anyway, if he was a good dad in the marriage, why would it be any different now? Don't worry so much...time will heal all...so they say!
Hugs and prayers!