& so it gets worse ....
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| Wed, 02-02-2005 - 8:01pm |
I guess i was stupid by getting involved, but #1 i wanted more truth & #2, i coudlnt help but telling M (STBX) what i thought of all this. I broke my own rule during this waiting period of laying low.
Today a call came to me on my own cell, again, from his boss. This time the boss, D, telling me M had called a salesman for tools & ordered stuff for the shop pretending to be the boss. Whats INTERESTING is yesterdy M & I both answered the phone at home & a professional sounding guy asked for, by name, Mikes boss. He said "R, hang up" & then when i got downstairs said to me "That was weird, dont know how that guy got MY number, thinking this was D's house". I didnt think anything of it, figured some guy got their phone #'s confused. Originally his boss left me a LONG message, & it did seem like he was pretty - i dont know - almost like manic about it. M had always said this guy is a little nutz, but thats calling the kettle black, obvioulsly. He was threatening that if Mike didnt stop harrassing him, he would make a call to the private school we want dd to go to, telling them not to admit her b/c her Dad i a psycho. & that he woudl call the Fire cheif & report the same. He is on the baord of that school & he is good freinds w/ the fire cheif. So i just said "Listen, i can only give him the message (M wont answer his calls) -& he is an adult & whatever you decide to do, he will have to deal with. BUT ... please dont screw up dd's chance at this school b/c her father screwed up". He said he wouldnt. So this is where i got TOO involved - i called a mutual freind of both M & his boss, who sort of already intervened in it yesterday by calling M & telling him not to keep doing stuff. M keeps telling me that his boss is nutz & making this all up. i DONT belive him, but i really felt i needed confirmation. & THIS guy told me that although he is freinds w/ both, he knows M well enough to know that he DID do this in retaliation & based on his past things he "has seen" of Mike, he beleives the boss. He then asked me to keep that conversation b/w us & i said yes, of course. *I* dont care if M knows i called him, but it would be easier if he didnt.
So ... i was at the grocery store w/ dd when I called home. I said exactly this "Listen, i dont want this brought up when dd is at home, but i need you to know i DONT beleive you & i believe you *have* done all this. Not only is this putting in jeapordy my & dd's reputation if they arresst you, not only is this now putting her private schooling into jeapoardy, but you are putting in jeapordy all this money we have put towards this law suit for the fire dept job. I am telling you, STOP. Stop doing things to this guy or it will be worse for all of us".
He flipped out on the phone telling me i never stand behind him, etc. (he ALWAYS says that - its always the world against him) - & he said "I woudlnt come home here tonite if you knwo whats good for you". Then he hung up. He called back 5 min later & said "You B****, DONT come home or i will tear you a new *SS****". I had dd & both dogs with me. So we are staying elsewhere tonite, of course.
I 1/2 want to - & SHOULD, i know - file for teh R.O. tomorrow as oppossed to waiting till the planned time on March 21st. I ceratinly will if things dont simmer down - but they always do by the next day. 1st thing i will do is call my atty in the AM. I have put so much into planning this & the time frames of financail stuff, where we can go, who can take the animals, time off from work to get out of town to serve him - i jst dont want to jump the gun if i dont HAVE to ... but as i said, i certainly will if the need be. Plus dd's kids bday party is Sat. If i leave now, that wont be able to happen.
Just wanted to update. R~


What happened?.... Did he cool off?.... Did you go ahead and get the RO?...... please check in and let us know that you're OK... and DD, too!
Despite it all, I hope that DD can have a nice birthday.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Im sorry i left you hanging. here is my post lst nite:
We are ***OK*** !!! He was removed after i was granted the full RO w/ sole custody of Ave & the home. Within FIFTY minutes of my leaving the courthouse, i received a call from teh DV advocate said that he had been served & removed from the house. Incredible how fast they did it. Kudos to them. Or maybe they were having a slow day.
DD & i were already en route to my freinds in CT - he doesnt even know her, so no chance of his finding us. I have had some contact - breifly - w/ his brother - he (M) is of course floored & upset, but BIL said he doesnt seem as enraged as one might expect. Of course, i dont expect THAT to last. He also told M that he would "call R to see if he (bil) could go get some clothes & M's meds from the house", since they didnt allow him to take anything & i obviously am not around to get stuff to BIL for him, & apparently M said "No, they told me even a 3rd party contact was breaking the RO, so dont call her". He didnt know i had called BIL 1st & it was ok that he called me back about that. But i am not giving any info to BIL where i am, or anything of the sort. Just that he can go in to get the items that are essential, & i do trust BIL pretty implicitly. He has been a lot of help in the past, & offered any help now - to dd & I, if needed. He has seen his brother in action w/ me, & has stepped in when needed in the past. But again, my gaurd will NOT be let down w/ anyone close to M. I didnt ask any questions, I dont know where M is. I just reiterated to BIL that it was not my intention to keep dd away from him forever, but unless he can get his act together, i WILL continue the order w/ her included. & that if he attempts ANY contact, i will call the police immedietly. He, BIL, did try to play the trump card saying "I understand & actually agree w/ what you had to do, but its dd's bday this week. Is there any way, M wanted me to ask, that he & i can see her for a minute & give her a gift". I said "Even if i wanted to, which i dont, it is legally an impossibiliy. The RO is in effect & all our hands are tied, & its staying that way".
The RO hearing is Feb 24th. I cant beleive I DID IT! Its was *SO* hard ... but you know what was harder? These weeks leading UP to it ... the planning, the anxiety, the wondering how & when it will all happen ... & then WHAM. Last nite happened & it was like that switch for survival mode FINALLY flipped on & i made the decision to do it & i had not ONE ounce of remorse in the courthouse ... not one.
My closest family & freinds & work associates are all aware of what is giong on. I have SO much support coming out of the wood work it is incerdible. I am a lucky person.
I cannot TELL you how much all your support, prayers & emails & phone calls AND ADIVCE means to me. Im sorry i havent read all the posts to me the past day or so, but i will try at some point. Right now my eyes are about to close.
R~ Who is on he way to a new LIFE of SANITY!!! :)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Your BIL is correct.... your H cannot even have anyone else contact you on his behalf, but, in this case... YOU made that call and gave the "OK" for BIL to retrieve things that H might need (a NOBLE gesture on your part).
Get some rest... I'm glad that you got the RO.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
& sending along this update as well ...
1st off, Wow. Its amazing how a body/mind works. The sheer ANXIETY of the waiting till March to do this, must have been what was keeping me up (duh!) - Ave & I shut the tv off at 11:30pm. In 3+ weeks, there hasnt been 1 day since (Oooh, rolmao - Ave just screamed when James stepped on her on the floor "Owwwwww! You must stepped on my GINA James!!!") i didnt, as usual, toss & turn 3-4 horus b4 sleeping fitfully the rest of the nite. I dont even REMEBER trying to fall asleep ... & i woke ot pee, assuming it was 2am or something, & it was SIX-THIRTY! Havent slept like that in ages. Looking forward to it tonite again, still here at my freinds. :)
This AM BIL called & said "I think i made a bad situation worse". Apparently M said to him that "if i can just hold out till court, maybe then i can go back home". His brother said he told him "I think R has already filed for Divorce". BIL said "He is now completely out of his mind". Thats the last i heard until later in the day. & i did tell BIL this "I DO plan to file b4 the next court date. I will speak w/ my atty today. But if you think that it will help him stay somewhat under control, you can tell him honestly that i havent filed at this point, but i plan to. & the worse he acts, the faster i will file". Its not lying or giving him false hope, but it may give him some sense of needing to follow the order so it doesnt force me to file right away, & it may give me more safety. Althoguh, i will be filing b4 the court date in 3 weeks, either way. Also, i told BIL that i in no way intend to or want to keep dd from him indefinatly, but it is completley up to HIS behavior, whether or not he gets to see her after this next court date. The RO will stay on my either way, & if he has held it together & been sane & non-violent, then it is in both their best interests to see eachother.
So then i about lost it today leaving my brothers, dd said "Can i call my Dada?" She still has no idea whats giong on, she just thinks we are away & he is at work. I haev an appt w/ the DV couselor for kids on Monday to see WHAT & HOW i tell her. So, i told her "not right now". She got pretty weepy, i said he was at work. She cried "But i miss him! I havent *seendeded* him in TWO DAYS! Please Mommy, please i need to call him. Cant i just leave him a message?". So, i dialed my own phone # & told her she could "leave him a message". She said "Hi Dadda! I love you! I miss you! If you need anything, call us at ***-****, ok?" (she just learned out phone # & is all into reapeating what she hears me say on the phone ... just WEIRD she chose "if you need anything", ugh) Then she said "Its my BIRTHDAY tomorrow, Im sorry you cant come b/c you have to work. I will miss you sooooo.... much." Then she sang a full happy bday song to him, edning with "I love you Dear Dadda ... & i miss you ... & Mamma too!" I said "What - & Mamma too?" & she said "& Mamma loves him too". Ouch.
THEN, in 2 seconds, as i was recovering from that, the phone rings, its his brother. M needed his meds & i arranged for the cat sitter to put them in teh mailbox. Then his brother tells me "M's staying at the Seamans Church Institute". I about sank. Its a freaking SHELTER. It like one TINY step above the city homeless shelter - i think they do have their own "rooms", its for people w/ no where to live, & a little money. I think its like $50 a week or something. What amazes me is he hasnt cleaned out the checking account. He took $300 of the $1500 (i called the bank). I really thought he would. In fact truthfully, i decided to leave it in there b/c he HAS no money (ok'd this w/ the atty 1st). I expected & was fine w/ me, for him to take it - he needs something to live on. (btw, he did have a 2nd interview today for a pretty good job. Its year round - rare in this town, in the business of boating - doesnt pay a ton, but is full time, benefits, vacation & all. Something he hasnt had in a LONG time. I really hope he gets it b/c maybe it will give him some sense of responisbility & pride ... MAYBE it will help him get on track - & then maybe i could get SOME form or chid support). Anyway, i was pretty devestated for a minute or 2, hearing where he was ... BUT ... then i rememebered that that is the main AA meeting place in town. Who knows, MAYBE, SOMEHOW he will see what he needs ... AA & the whole philosophy behind it. (well, he obvioulsy need MORE than AA, but it would be a start) I was truly very suprised he went there, he told his brother he slept in his car last nite, which is ridiculous (IF its even true), but if he wants to be a martyr, thats his choice ... he does have freinds & some family he could have gone to, but BIL said "He doesnt want anyone to know". It hurts to know that just a few days ago he was warm & cozy in our beautiful house, snuggling w/ Ave & playing ball with the dogs ... & now he is there. But its where he put HIMSELF, & its not my fault. I just have to not picture him there, sad, alone ... Its NOT my problem. But he must be less outraged at this point, from this morning ... from what it sounds like.
So, thast it. dd & I & my Dad & dd will go back tomorrow. & my brother will come the next couple nites. Then there is Tues, Wed, Thurs when i would be alone - so we will likely go stay elsewhere ... then my uncle comes Fri & sat to stay with us. MAYBE my Dad actually can come back mid- week. I will be having the locks changed & the security syetem set up as well. Then after next Sunday, (a week from this sunday) we will be alone if things seem quiet. But i wont hesitate to leave again, if it seems like he is stalking me or something.
Thats my story & i am sticking to it! Thank you for putting up w/ the the stress, fear, venting & drama! & listening! R~
I think it's good that he thinks you've already filed.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~