I feel like I'm going under

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I feel like I'm going under
5
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 3:48pm
I filed for divorce in November 2004. At the time I was very very hurt and angry - now I'm just depressed. My soon to be ex and I were married for over 3 years and have a beautiful 17 month old daughter. She seems to be the only good thing that came out of out marriage. My ex cheated on me with numerous women, or girls - which is what they were/are. He stopped coming home at night, or when he did he was drunk and it was 5 in the morning. We stopped having sex as well. Whenever the phone would ring, he would go outside to talk - no matter who it was. He always erased his incoming and outgoing calls on the cell phone so I wouldn't know anything about that as well. Everything was so bad and so tiring, that I just couldn't take it anymore. I filed, and told him to leave. I was good for a while, but now I'm so unbelievably sad. All I want to do is eat and sleep. I'm irritable and not very much fun to be around. Plus, all I want to do is call him and say "hey...maybe we should try and work it out." I don't even think that it's him that I want....I'm just sad and scared....and so very lonely. What do I do? How will I ever get passed this? I'm sitting here all upset and depressed, and he's having the time of his life. I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling anymore. I just feel like I'm going under and that I'll never be okay again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:49pm

Have you thought of seeing a therapist? It can be very helpful and really help you find the path to feeling okay without him. I think it should be required before marriage and during divorce. You are going through a huge life change and it's not an easy one. You shouldn't force yourself to figure it out all on your own. If anything, at least go to the library and get some books on divorce and coping. You aren't the only one who's gone through this, you can benefit a lot by reading and learning some skills to rebuild your life.

It's hard to be alone sometimes but it also makes you stronger. Do not call him, asking him to get back together is pointless because he doesn't want that. You'll just be showing him how vulnerable you feel and that will damage your self confidence more, not help anything.

You need some other activities to keep you going. Reading and exercising are two good one's that aren't that hard. The only person that can you going on a path to a new (and much better) life is you. Therapy and finding some things that interest you to fill some of your time will help, but you are in charge of making those happen.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2005
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 11:01pm
I know exactly how you feel! Do you have any family or friends to help get you through this? It helped me tremendously. I also(when the weather got better) took my frustration out while walking. The more upset I was, the faster I walked. In the end, I had lots of time to think things trhough, and it seemed better afterwards. I do reccomend that you talk to someone who can help. These things take time, and at times it will be better, and other times worse. Be strong for your daughter. She'll also help you through. Don't let your clouded emotions make you think things would work out, because chances are, his behavior would repeat itself unless he went through major counseling and a life change. It's a greiving process. Don't jump into another relationship, that's not healthy either. You can do it! Check out the suggested readings, and keep your chin up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 12:50am
What you said about walking reminded me about something and I think is good advice for anyone... take a kickboxing class... pretend you are punching him... it does WONDERS.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 11:59am

You'll get past this... you will!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 7:19am
hi kaitlyn please dont call him! i know how you feel, and believe me the feeling will pass and you will be glad you didnt. for me the idea of going back to a comfortable-yet-bad relationship was easier then the emotional pain of divorce some days. but you will be glad you didnt do it when things calm down. as for the tiredness, it sounds like depression, please see a doctor, or if thats not possible try lots of sunlight, a good diet and multivitamin, and lots of exercise. i could not afford a doctor when i got divorced and those things really helped me beat depression.i have a few friends who are also divorced and we all went through p phase of wanting to call, go back ,etc. it so strong sometimes you think it MUST be the right thing to do. but dont, you left for a very good reason. its a hard road ahead but it WILL get better, be strong