I just found out...boy it does hurt

Avatar for linni241
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
I just found out...boy it does hurt
5
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 11:15pm
Hi All...just wanted to share my story with people that understand what i am going through right now.I have known my husband for 20 years or more ,we went to high school together aswell...we got married in 1996 after a 2 year courtship.Well nearly 2 weeks ago, i decided to ask him whats going on,because he started to behave differently the last 2 months...trying to lose weight,cares about how he dresses now ect.He finally came out and said...something is missing from my life and i need to go find myself ect...we talked more he told me he had been unhappy for 2 years now ect...I asked if we could work things out ect and he said it was too late for that he had made up his mind he did not want a trial separation or nothing.I came out and said is there another peerson involved ect...he said no not at all.Well the next day he goes to work and tells all his coworkers he is getting a divorce and he was happy ect.I have since found out that he had been going out to lunch with some female coworkers lately ect...then only one female the last month...(like they were not hiding anything).This girl is 23 blonde and cute...he swears there is nothing going on...but what married man goes out all night ect with friends (i know she goes too)and gets calls from this single girl...I think this is so wrong and disrespectful of him and her.Well last night he was in the bedroom talking on his cell phone and i could not help overhearing what he was talking about to her...it made me so mad...i had to confront him about her...of course he still denies everything...but i still think he is lying.So i told him if there is nothing going on she should not be afraid to talk to me directly woman to woman..(i think he is too scared that i might hit her or clue her in on what he is like and ruin there supposed friendship.
I understand the marriage is over and have accepted it...it just makes me sad/mad/ect on how he did things because we have a 6 month old baby now...he could have said or done something soooner before children were involved..I feel he is going to leave me hanging here,no help at all.He had the hide to ask me if we could still share a house together after the divorce,share expenses ect..i said no way you can't have it all your way...Men are so selfish!!!! and he is so immature!!!!Why did i not see this sooner, i feel like a big fool now and that other people could see problems but not me,certainly did not see this coming...they always think the grass is greener on the other side...you never really no a person either and people can change for sure.thanks for letting me vent...i feel better...any advice on what to do about living arrangements...we currently live in a 2b apartment..i can't stand him acting happy and living like a single man when he is still married....The big question i have it...should i just drop it,i feel i need to know if there is anything going on with this 23year girl or not(maybe its better not to know at all do you think?).if you got this far...thanks for listening... tc Linda
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 11:23pm

I am SO sorry - to have a new baby & be going thru this! Yes, he SHOULD have "decided" he was unhappy b4, but i know you will never regret your child ... you WILL get thru this. Should you drop it? Although its not easy, Yes, you should. If you are divorcing, then what differnce, really, does it make? Dont torture yourself. Make your plans, & get out - or get HIM out. If he continues to live with you & carry on this way? THEN i would make a huge deal about it ... if he wants to play, fine ... but go play ON YOUR OWN!

Hugs, R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 02-05-2005 - 11:25pm
I just read your profile, Im a nurse too. & your quote, "A woman is like a tea bag ,you don't know how strong she is until you put her into hot water" is WONDEFUL! I should get that on a t-shirt! lol & i am so sorry about your angel baby :( I am an L&D RN, i know SOME of what you went through ... Hugs & prayers. R~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 1:51am

hi linda - i am so sorry for what yo uare going thru.


yes - you will get thru this! i promise! everyone here on the board went thru, or is going thru, something similar. of course

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 11:15pm
Oh, boy, you need to kick him out (as the other person said, after talking to your lawyer). He is putting you through emotional torture and it is just not fair. Go ahead and tell him you still love him, but you refuse to be his roommate while he makes dates with other women. He needs to learn how to be a man. How can he decide to tell you it is over when you have just had a child, and still expect to live at home as if nothing happened? Oh, I'm sorry, my own anger is taking over here - but don't let yourself stress over the other woman, the person you are angry at is him. Let him know it and tell him to pack.
Avatar for linni241
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 9:30am
Hi All...thanks for the advice and support...I know i can survive this.First of all i have started making my own plans...looking at my own apartment/new day care ect.I have made copies of all important documents ect,hid any important documents like passport ect,also talked to 2 different lawyers,contacted family court for child support papers...called to get my name off car insurance/bills.Also working on a new will/getting his name off my life insurance policy.I told him to refinance the car so i can have my name off that too.I can't really kick him out yet because we have to pay $2000 or more to pay the lease until it is up end of april and i don't have the money yet.He is going to pay for the divorce,because he is the one who wants it.I have decided to start a journal and go to counselling soon when i can,thanks again for the advice tc Linda