Telling Him it is Over
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Telling Him it is Over
| Mon, 02-07-2005 - 1:32pm |
I am going on 14 years of marriage none of which have been bliss. It has been a struggle from day one. No abuse except for the fact that my husband is depressed and we are very different people. I just woke up a few years ago miserable and realized that "I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this person" He appears to be like a victim and sad and scared most of the time so I have put off the inevitible but it is time I can no longer face it. He knows I am not happy and has known for many years but I never actually said "Let's call it quits" I have a seven year old who suffers from anxiety so telling her will be an ordeal too.

The only way to do it is to just do it. It really is that simple (that doesn't make it easy, just simple). I'll tell you what I told someone on another board (she thought it was helpful)... it's like going to the dentist. Right now you have a small amount of constant pain, you fear going to the dentist because it will hurt a lot, but you want to go because once it is over you are going to feel soooo much better.
The only advice I have is don't give a lot of reasons. Giving reasons just makes the other person think they have things to work on or fix and then you won't leave. The only reason that matters is that you are ready to leave and you have no interest in giving it another try.
I am not sure what it is like to have a 7 year old that suffers from anxiety, but my guess is the more of the plan you have worked out before you tell her, the easier it will be for her to comprehend it and to accept it. My dd was only 3, she had no idea of what was happening until it actually happened (we told her, but she was too young to get it until she saw it happening - she was confused at first and it took her 4-5 weeks to get used to the routine of who she'd see when, and then she was okay).
I can understand a little. I am going thru a similar situation. My husband is also depressed, unmotivated, etc. I am tired of being his wife and his mother. I care for him as a person very much, but don't want to continue living like this. I asked him what we have in common and he said "uh, food?"
You'll get thru this. we are all fabulous powerful strong women. Best of luck.