Getting divorced, need advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Getting divorced, need advise
1
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 1:35pm

Hi,
I recently filed for a divorce. I am in my 30s and have two kids. I work full time and make good living. My STBX had a good job but did not work for the last two years after he finished his project. He sat around not seriously looking and being lazy.

He verbally indicated to me that he is not going to pursue the custody as he wants to leave town and get a job wheere his family is. he might change his mind I suppose.

He told a mutual friend of ours that he wants 75% of the equity, 75% of all our assetts. He told me two years ago that he had money in his stock accounts that was a substantial sum. He now claims that he only has a small amount of mney and it would barely cover the legal costs. I think he siphoned off some of his money.

My lawyer says that he has a good chance of getting atleast half of everything. It seems unfair to me

We for the last few years kept separate finances and shared expenses.

he moved out two weeks ago and went to stay with his family out of state. I have not started the rest of the proceedings to settle finances yet. I was getting my head cleared and the kids settled.

It seems unfair that the a$$ should get rewarded for being lazy by getting part of my retirement etc. I had some savings and put some of that in the childrens' college funds and bought some furniture for our house.

What can I do to safeguard my finances? Any advise would be appreciated.
Thanks,
tsvs2004

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 1:55pm

The best way to safeguard some of your assets is to have a good attorney. The split does not have to be 50/50, it has to be fair. For example, saying each of you keep whatever is in your retirement account is fair, even though it might not be 50/50. Your attorney can get records of his retirement and investment accounts and see if there have been withdrawls - and then argue that there is more money in your accounts simply because you have not taken it and spent it... if you don't want to give him 1/2 of your retirment, just don't agree to it and if he's motivated to get divorced he'll agree with your settlement offer.

However, the fact he was not working for 2 years doesn't automatically mean you get more of the house or other marital assets. In many ways he is rewarded for sitting on his behind and letting you do all the work. If you had done the same to him, you would be rewarded too (although it depends on your definition of reward - my ex made out during our marriage but he has lost out on a lot of my future income and financially he's a lot worse off than if we had stayed married).

And whatever is in the college savings funds is saved for the children and will not be divided. In my state we had a choice to say whether to put a college provision in our divorce decree or not. If we left it out, then dd would be on her own or one or both of us could voluntarily help her out. If we put it in, we would each be responsible for her costs based on our proportions of income. We put it in so that we'd both be on the hook but somehow I have the feeling I will end up with most of the expense burden. I don't regret it though, I'll do anything for her.

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